Self- hypnosis is the ability to get yourself into a very relaxed, trance-like state. Most of us experience the "hypnotic" feeling several times a day. If you have ever "lost" time while reading a great book, watching an absorbing movie, or driving down the road as you listen to music, then you have experienced the sensation of hypnosis.
If you are truly motivated to change a negative behavior, bad habit, phobia, or simply want to improve something about yourself, then you are a perfect candidate for self-hypnosis. Once you learn this technique, you will be able to use it at any time, in any place.
While learning this technique, you will need a quiet room where you will be undisturbed for at least 20 minutes. Make sure you are comfortable, but not so comfortable that you fall asleep. Since you need to give yourself instructions and suggestions, you need to be awake and alert, but in an altered state of consciousness.
Before you begin the process, think about what you hope to achieve. This goal will be the suggestion you state to yourself when you are in a relaxed state. Work this out ahead of time. Be very specific, such as, "I want to stop eating Snickers," or "I want to feel comfortable speaking in public." Whatever you choose, you must express the suggestion in positive terms. For example, "I am a non-smoker," rather than, "I do not want to smoke."
In the beginning, you should try to practice this routine at least twice a day in the privacy of your home. Once you have the knack, try it in a movie theater, a restaurant, or in some other public place. But, do not ever practice this procedure while driving or operating any kind of heavy equipment.
10 Steps to Self-Hypnosis:
Allow a minimum of 20 minutes of uninterrupted time.
Make sure the room is not too hot or cold, and that it is not too bright.
Sit or recline in a comfortable chair. Set a timer or clock for 30 minutes (just in case you fall asleep).
Decide on a simple term, such as "relax" or "calm," to trigger a post-hypnotic suggestion.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it to the count of three, then whoosh it out through your mouth. Do this five times. Count backwards from five to one as you do this exercise.
Your body will start to relax immediately. To deepen this phase, count back from ten to one as you visualize yourself walking down a flight of stairs.
Imagine yourself, as vividly as possible, in one of your favorite places. Focus on it as you continue to breathe deeply.
As you envision yourself in this place, allow all your senses to come to life. See the scene, feel it, taste it, smell it, touch it.
Once you have this scene firmly in your mind, think the words of the suggestion you decided upon. Again, remember to present it in a positive way. If your suggestion is to be a non-smoker, see yourself clearly in a group situation where you are comfortable, happy, confident, and a non-smoker.
When you see the image and feel the strength of your conviction, you are ready to "think" the word you chose as your post-hypnotic suggestion. Then state the suggestion as simply as this: "The next time I hypnotize myself, I will use the word, 'calm,' and I will feel instantly and deeply relaxed." Once this suggestion is planted in your mind, count from one to five and slowly awaken. By the count of five, you will be fully awake and energized.
The more you practice these steps, the more adept you will become at mastering self-hypnosis. Of course, this is just a very basic technique for beginners. If you want to learn more about this fascinating subject, you can read a book, take a course, or have a certified hypnotherapist teach you the method. If you want to attain self-hypnosis quickly, you can listen to a professional CD, tape, or MP3 download.
The key to a successful self-hypnosis session is to be as clear as possible about your specific goal. If you are truly motivated, you will have a valuable tool to use throughout your life.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Obtain a Photographic Memory
"At very first, I possibly could generate jokes concerning becoming golden-haired plus a small ditzy," says Michaela Anderson, a market analyst at Patterson-Forbes. "I would forget exactly where I had left my glasses, my vehicle keys, all types of personal belongings, and I would just make a joke. Within, though, it irritated and scared me," she says. "Sometimes, I really feared I was losing my thoughts," Anderson shakes her head sadly.
"The concern became a crisis when I went into a meeting prepared with all kinds of sales numbers and market statistics; when the time came to provide my presentation, I could not keep in mind any from the numbers. I created a fool of myself as I fumbled via my notes. In that humiliating moment," sighs Michaela, "I knew I had to take action."Anderson finished a workshop dedicated to developing memory, understanding the essentials of what some people call "photographic" memory. "Most of all," Anderson recalls, "I learned that we remember info important to our daily survival, and we retain information associated to overall performance until we complete the overall performance; then, it generally slips away." Remembering the workshop in vivid detail, Anderson relates, "We particularly keep in mind info and vivid particulars that associate with very powerful emotions."
Challenged to sum-up the most important "take-away" from the workshop, "Practice, exercise, and more practice!" Michaela declares.
Exercise, practice, and a lot more practice
Anderson explains that any type of exercise will assist, but deliberate, organized, strategic exercise has far a lot more effect than random recitation or half-hearted searching at notes. Michaela points to three essentials, which enhance her practice...
• Make it active- When you have large pieces of text, lengthy lists of terms, or main bodies of information to memorize, add an active element to the process. Your higher school teachers and college professors probably recommended producing "flash cards," the 21st century equivalent of which is a PowerPoint; they did not tell you, however, the procedure of making the flash cards provides essential exercise. Additionally to writing-out the info on flash cards, you might wish to illustrate it, to ensure that the picture becomes a tool for the recall. Kids understand state capitals, for instance, utilizing pictures: For Arkansas, they understand "An arc can saw a little rock," plus a picture reinforces the expression which encodes the knowledge.
• Make it repetitive-Bear in mind how often you drilled your math facts and spelling terms in elementary school? The drill reinforced the information inside your memory, and it frequently strengthened the mnemonic devices you used for recalling the most difficult info. You might have memorized the truth that multiples of 9 usually add-up to 9, so that 9 times 9 became simpler to determine until "81" became a matter of reflex. Make illustrated flash cards and recite the contents aloud. While you practice, call the images to thoughts, reciting your mnemonics out loud. Ask your friends and family to quiz you more or less as the test will, getting time to frame your image and recite your memorable phrase in response to each query. Repeat your quizzes and recitations till the answers turn out to be almost reflexes; then, carry on reciting until you no longer need to hear the whole query prior to you give your response.
I really hope you found the knowledge presented fascinating. Head to Develop a photographic memory
"The concern became a crisis when I went into a meeting prepared with all kinds of sales numbers and market statistics; when the time came to provide my presentation, I could not keep in mind any from the numbers. I created a fool of myself as I fumbled via my notes. In that humiliating moment," sighs Michaela, "I knew I had to take action."Anderson finished a workshop dedicated to developing memory, understanding the essentials of what some people call "photographic" memory. "Most of all," Anderson recalls, "I learned that we remember info important to our daily survival, and we retain information associated to overall performance until we complete the overall performance; then, it generally slips away." Remembering the workshop in vivid detail, Anderson relates, "We particularly keep in mind info and vivid particulars that associate with very powerful emotions."
Challenged to sum-up the most important "take-away" from the workshop, "Practice, exercise, and more practice!" Michaela declares.
Exercise, practice, and a lot more practice
Anderson explains that any type of exercise will assist, but deliberate, organized, strategic exercise has far a lot more effect than random recitation or half-hearted searching at notes. Michaela points to three essentials, which enhance her practice...
• Make it active- When you have large pieces of text, lengthy lists of terms, or main bodies of information to memorize, add an active element to the process. Your higher school teachers and college professors probably recommended producing "flash cards," the 21st century equivalent of which is a PowerPoint; they did not tell you, however, the procedure of making the flash cards provides essential exercise. Additionally to writing-out the info on flash cards, you might wish to illustrate it, to ensure that the picture becomes a tool for the recall. Kids understand state capitals, for instance, utilizing pictures: For Arkansas, they understand "An arc can saw a little rock," plus a picture reinforces the expression which encodes the knowledge.
• Make it repetitive-Bear in mind how often you drilled your math facts and spelling terms in elementary school? The drill reinforced the information inside your memory, and it frequently strengthened the mnemonic devices you used for recalling the most difficult info. You might have memorized the truth that multiples of 9 usually add-up to 9, so that 9 times 9 became simpler to determine until "81" became a matter of reflex. Make illustrated flash cards and recite the contents aloud. While you practice, call the images to thoughts, reciting your mnemonics out loud. Ask your friends and family to quiz you more or less as the test will, getting time to frame your image and recite your memorable phrase in response to each query. Repeat your quizzes and recitations till the answers turn out to be almost reflexes; then, carry on reciting until you no longer need to hear the whole query prior to you give your response.
I really hope you found the knowledge presented fascinating. Head to Develop a photographic memory
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Hypnotherapy Treatment For Pediophobia
The fear of mannequins, dolls or children is clinically known as pediophobia.
While it is certainly not the most common phobia that we treat here in our hypnotherapy clinics in the UK, it is something that we do see several times a year. Many clients have been relieved to learn that not only is there a name for this disorder, but that it most certainly can be successfully and quite easily treated.
The real number of people suffering from this particular anxiety disorder is actually unknown because most have no name for it and so imagine that they are the only ones with this fear. Few people would really feel fully at ease visiting a doctor and saying: 'Doctor, I'm afraid of store mannequins...'
This, of course, not only serves to further alienate the person experiencing the phobia, but it also prevents them from getting the help that they need and that is available. If allowed to go untreated, this phobia can seriously affect the individual's life in some truly major and quite devastating ways.
Sometimes, this fear can assume such overwhelming proportions that it seriously interferes with the individual's ability to function in a normal way. An individual afraid of mannequins, for example, can very easily find a way to avoid those shops selling clothing. Or the individual who has a phobia of dolls or children can find themselves turning down opportunities to visit family and friends who are mystified and hurt by their behavior.
The symptoms of pediophobia are, generally speaking, similar to those found in other phobic conditions.
In the presence of children, mannequins or dolls, the phobic individual usually finds their heart pounding and their breathing becoming labored and shallow, and this is so often accompanied by feelings of nausea and a dry, parched feeling in the mouth. Some people may find difficulty in thinking or speaking properly, and the anxiety can swiftly snowball into a full blown panic attack, with all of its fearful feelings.
All too often the individual experiencing this phobia is all too keenly aware that it is irrational, but he or she feels powerless to do anything about it. Will power and attempts to 'grin and bear it' do precious little to lessen its frightening grip.
This is because fear, like all feelings is generated in the subconscious part of the mind, and so it is to the subconscious that we must turn for a real solution.
But what causes a person to develop such a fear or phobia?
Almost always it is because of some unpleasant experience that the individual has passed through when younger, often in childhood.
At some time in the person's past, they have been surprised or shocked while in the presence of mannequins, dolls or children, or have had a frightening experience which the younger self interpreted as being dangerous. (In some cases, this may even have been in a dream, nightmare or movie.)
This traumatic experience caused the pediophobic person to become afraid and anxious and they have linked this fear with mannequins, dolls or children in a manner similar to a 'conditioned response'. Often this event has been forgotten by the conscious mind, but it is still being held onto by the subconscious which is attempting to prevent the person from putting themselves into danger again by creating fear as a means of protection.
But there is a way out.
Unfortunately, many therapists attempt to remove this phobia by simply working on the symptoms - the fear itself. This, however, can all too often prove only a temporary fix, even complicating matters.
A phobia has an origin, and carries with it much unprocessed subconscious emotion. By merely removing the fear symptom, the person is left vulnerable to this unprocessed emotion surfacing in another way.
In a process akin to displacement, the anxious emotions can later manifest themselves in all sorts of different unpleasant ways that are ostensibly unconnected with the original phobia. This process is called 'symptom substitution'.
In order for pediophobia to be fully and completely treated and healed, it is essential that the powerful subconscious emotion linked to the phobia also be correctly processed and comprehensively treated, together with the anxiety and fear itself.
In the hands of an experienced, fully qualified transformational hypnotherapist, the person can be safely taken back to the initial sensitizing experience itself (and to key reinforcing experiences, too) and there the damage can be undone. The 'script' or 'program' can be 're-written'.
Once the subconscious has accepted the truth - that mannequins, dolls or children do not in reality pose a threat or a danger -- then the person is released from the grips of this pernicious and restrictive phobia.
If you or someone you care about suffer from the inhibiting phobia that is pediophobia, fear of mannequins, fear of dolls or fear of children, do not despair, help is available.
With correctly applied, modern transformational hypnotherapy techniques, you really can regain control and end pediophobia for good.
You'll be glad you did!
While it is certainly not the most common phobia that we treat here in our hypnotherapy clinics in the UK, it is something that we do see several times a year. Many clients have been relieved to learn that not only is there a name for this disorder, but that it most certainly can be successfully and quite easily treated.
The real number of people suffering from this particular anxiety disorder is actually unknown because most have no name for it and so imagine that they are the only ones with this fear. Few people would really feel fully at ease visiting a doctor and saying: 'Doctor, I'm afraid of store mannequins...'
This, of course, not only serves to further alienate the person experiencing the phobia, but it also prevents them from getting the help that they need and that is available. If allowed to go untreated, this phobia can seriously affect the individual's life in some truly major and quite devastating ways.
Sometimes, this fear can assume such overwhelming proportions that it seriously interferes with the individual's ability to function in a normal way. An individual afraid of mannequins, for example, can very easily find a way to avoid those shops selling clothing. Or the individual who has a phobia of dolls or children can find themselves turning down opportunities to visit family and friends who are mystified and hurt by their behavior.
The symptoms of pediophobia are, generally speaking, similar to those found in other phobic conditions.
In the presence of children, mannequins or dolls, the phobic individual usually finds their heart pounding and their breathing becoming labored and shallow, and this is so often accompanied by feelings of nausea and a dry, parched feeling in the mouth. Some people may find difficulty in thinking or speaking properly, and the anxiety can swiftly snowball into a full blown panic attack, with all of its fearful feelings.
All too often the individual experiencing this phobia is all too keenly aware that it is irrational, but he or she feels powerless to do anything about it. Will power and attempts to 'grin and bear it' do precious little to lessen its frightening grip.
This is because fear, like all feelings is generated in the subconscious part of the mind, and so it is to the subconscious that we must turn for a real solution.
But what causes a person to develop such a fear or phobia?
Almost always it is because of some unpleasant experience that the individual has passed through when younger, often in childhood.
At some time in the person's past, they have been surprised or shocked while in the presence of mannequins, dolls or children, or have had a frightening experience which the younger self interpreted as being dangerous. (In some cases, this may even have been in a dream, nightmare or movie.)
This traumatic experience caused the pediophobic person to become afraid and anxious and they have linked this fear with mannequins, dolls or children in a manner similar to a 'conditioned response'. Often this event has been forgotten by the conscious mind, but it is still being held onto by the subconscious which is attempting to prevent the person from putting themselves into danger again by creating fear as a means of protection.
But there is a way out.
Unfortunately, many therapists attempt to remove this phobia by simply working on the symptoms - the fear itself. This, however, can all too often prove only a temporary fix, even complicating matters.
A phobia has an origin, and carries with it much unprocessed subconscious emotion. By merely removing the fear symptom, the person is left vulnerable to this unprocessed emotion surfacing in another way.
In a process akin to displacement, the anxious emotions can later manifest themselves in all sorts of different unpleasant ways that are ostensibly unconnected with the original phobia. This process is called 'symptom substitution'.
In order for pediophobia to be fully and completely treated and healed, it is essential that the powerful subconscious emotion linked to the phobia also be correctly processed and comprehensively treated, together with the anxiety and fear itself.
In the hands of an experienced, fully qualified transformational hypnotherapist, the person can be safely taken back to the initial sensitizing experience itself (and to key reinforcing experiences, too) and there the damage can be undone. The 'script' or 'program' can be 're-written'.
Once the subconscious has accepted the truth - that mannequins, dolls or children do not in reality pose a threat or a danger -- then the person is released from the grips of this pernicious and restrictive phobia.
If you or someone you care about suffer from the inhibiting phobia that is pediophobia, fear of mannequins, fear of dolls or fear of children, do not despair, help is available.
With correctly applied, modern transformational hypnotherapy techniques, you really can regain control and end pediophobia for good.
You'll be glad you did!
Brain Training Exercises
Bet you thought brain training exercises meant something like memorizing the NYC phone directory?
Well, there are memorization tools available that could be part of your brain training exercises, but these days brain training has much more to do with neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, two recently discovered capacities of the human brain.
Until about 12-15 years ago, no one knew that we humans grow new brain cells which is the process described by the term neurogenesis.
Those new cells grow daily, if we bring them to a hospitable environment, which means we are attending to what the experts are calling the pillars of brain fitness.
Most of those experts are indicating that the new neurons migrate to the hippocampus, a very important part of the memory keeping circuitry of your brain.
Want an overview of the whole brain training exercises process?
I suggest you read Brainfit for Life by Simon Evans,Ph.D., and Paul Burghardt,Ph.D. for a non-jargon guide to a foundational understanding of the entire brain fitness concept.
Evans and Burghardt make the concepts of neurogenesis and neuroplasticity and how to work out the brain to enhance them very easy to grasp.
By the way, the term neuroplasticity is the term the experts use to describe how the brain reorganizes itself, sometimes within minutes of learning something new.
That's right, we do not need to wait for there to be an overwhelming weight of new information stuffing the cranium until a tipping point is reached, and a big shift occurs.
The brain reorganizes itself as we learn, but we do need to review that learning perhaps, and remember to take care of the brain fitness pillar called 'getting-enough-sleep' because that is when memory consolidation happens.
OK, So What Are The Pillars of Brain Fitness and How Do I Train Them?
The pillars of brain training exercises are; physical exercise, nutrition including antioxidants and omega 3 fatty acid, the above mentioned sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences.
Physical exercise is perhaps the most important of the pillars, which may be bad news for the couch potatoes amongst us.
However the good news is that the level and intensity of physical exercise required for neurogenesis and neuroplasticity does not have to involve an olympic training regimen or even a gym membership.
We need to be able to generate deeper faster breathing for about 10 minutes a couple of times per day to increase blood flow to the brain. That deeper faster breathing can come from doing more and a bit faster walking than you already do.
However, physical exercise does not preclude joining a gym and working out there also, perhaps while listening to a challenging lecture on your ipod.
But you can be very successful at the physical exercise pillar with tools like an exercise ball and couple of five pound dumbbells, like those used by 89 year old Bill and 82 year old Pat to keep themselves in shape for their international travel adventures.
Of course, nutrition is going to be a big part of your brain training exercises, which means you have to put aside the processed food, and increase the fruits and vegetables. Surprisingly though, there is a significant role for omega 3 fatty acid in your brain fitness regimen, which needs to be taken in through what you eat, since your body does not manufacture it very efficiently.
According to Evans and Burghardt about 70% of the membrane of our neurons is composed of omega 3 fatty acid, and if it is not replenished, those membranes become brittle and communications between neurons becomes garbled.
The best source of omega 3 fatty acid is fish, but if you do not like to eat or cook fish, then perhaps a supplement is in order.
As mentioned above sleep is a very important part of your brain training exercises, and that is good news for most of us, but you have got to remember to allow your brain enough REM sleep, which means a full nights sleep.
Stress management is very important to neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, as too much and too frequent exposure to to stress hormones will kill those newly born neurons and inhibit neuroplasticity in the remaining neurons.
Most folks do not think that they need to attend to stress more that a few times per week, but I want to suggest that you need to attend to stress heart beat by heart beat.
Sound impossible? Not true if you learn how to do heart rate variability biofeedback, which trains your heart to make itself coherent whenever you engage in a cue thought and a breathing pattern.
A great heart rate variability biofeedback side effect? It opens up the higher perceptual centers of the brain. A better brain through relaxation rather than effort? You bet.
And the last pillar of brain fitness is the novel learning experience pillar.
The experts say that they most effective novel learning experience for neurogenesis and neuroplasticity is the kind of novel learning experience we get when we learn a new language or new instrument.
Not sure about you, but I do not have a lot of time for a new language or for practicing a new instrument, so I am going to check out some of the computerized brain fitness programs.
I really like what the IMPACT study has to say about the one brain training exercises program and the PNAS research is equally exciting about the impact of the dual n back tasks.
Those are programs that I can do at my computer, and I can make time for that kind of brain training exercises much easier than I can for Spanish lessons.
Feel your brain tingling? It will if you do these brain training exercises.
Well, there are memorization tools available that could be part of your brain training exercises, but these days brain training has much more to do with neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, two recently discovered capacities of the human brain.
Until about 12-15 years ago, no one knew that we humans grow new brain cells which is the process described by the term neurogenesis.
Those new cells grow daily, if we bring them to a hospitable environment, which means we are attending to what the experts are calling the pillars of brain fitness.
Most of those experts are indicating that the new neurons migrate to the hippocampus, a very important part of the memory keeping circuitry of your brain.
Want an overview of the whole brain training exercises process?
I suggest you read Brainfit for Life by Simon Evans,Ph.D., and Paul Burghardt,Ph.D. for a non-jargon guide to a foundational understanding of the entire brain fitness concept.
Evans and Burghardt make the concepts of neurogenesis and neuroplasticity and how to work out the brain to enhance them very easy to grasp.
By the way, the term neuroplasticity is the term the experts use to describe how the brain reorganizes itself, sometimes within minutes of learning something new.
That's right, we do not need to wait for there to be an overwhelming weight of new information stuffing the cranium until a tipping point is reached, and a big shift occurs.
The brain reorganizes itself as we learn, but we do need to review that learning perhaps, and remember to take care of the brain fitness pillar called 'getting-enough-sleep' because that is when memory consolidation happens.
OK, So What Are The Pillars of Brain Fitness and How Do I Train Them?
The pillars of brain training exercises are; physical exercise, nutrition including antioxidants and omega 3 fatty acid, the above mentioned sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences.
Physical exercise is perhaps the most important of the pillars, which may be bad news for the couch potatoes amongst us.
However the good news is that the level and intensity of physical exercise required for neurogenesis and neuroplasticity does not have to involve an olympic training regimen or even a gym membership.
We need to be able to generate deeper faster breathing for about 10 minutes a couple of times per day to increase blood flow to the brain. That deeper faster breathing can come from doing more and a bit faster walking than you already do.
However, physical exercise does not preclude joining a gym and working out there also, perhaps while listening to a challenging lecture on your ipod.
But you can be very successful at the physical exercise pillar with tools like an exercise ball and couple of five pound dumbbells, like those used by 89 year old Bill and 82 year old Pat to keep themselves in shape for their international travel adventures.
Of course, nutrition is going to be a big part of your brain training exercises, which means you have to put aside the processed food, and increase the fruits and vegetables. Surprisingly though, there is a significant role for omega 3 fatty acid in your brain fitness regimen, which needs to be taken in through what you eat, since your body does not manufacture it very efficiently.
According to Evans and Burghardt about 70% of the membrane of our neurons is composed of omega 3 fatty acid, and if it is not replenished, those membranes become brittle and communications between neurons becomes garbled.
The best source of omega 3 fatty acid is fish, but if you do not like to eat or cook fish, then perhaps a supplement is in order.
As mentioned above sleep is a very important part of your brain training exercises, and that is good news for most of us, but you have got to remember to allow your brain enough REM sleep, which means a full nights sleep.
Stress management is very important to neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, as too much and too frequent exposure to to stress hormones will kill those newly born neurons and inhibit neuroplasticity in the remaining neurons.
Most folks do not think that they need to attend to stress more that a few times per week, but I want to suggest that you need to attend to stress heart beat by heart beat.
Sound impossible? Not true if you learn how to do heart rate variability biofeedback, which trains your heart to make itself coherent whenever you engage in a cue thought and a breathing pattern.
A great heart rate variability biofeedback side effect? It opens up the higher perceptual centers of the brain. A better brain through relaxation rather than effort? You bet.
And the last pillar of brain fitness is the novel learning experience pillar.
The experts say that they most effective novel learning experience for neurogenesis and neuroplasticity is the kind of novel learning experience we get when we learn a new language or new instrument.
Not sure about you, but I do not have a lot of time for a new language or for practicing a new instrument, so I am going to check out some of the computerized brain fitness programs.
I really like what the IMPACT study has to say about the one brain training exercises program and the PNAS research is equally exciting about the impact of the dual n back tasks.
Those are programs that I can do at my computer, and I can make time for that kind of brain training exercises much easier than I can for Spanish lessons.
Feel your brain tingling? It will if you do these brain training exercises.
Get a Better Memory Naturally!
Getting a better memory can be attained not only through expensive supplements but also as through adapting healthy lifestyle choices that work as effectively, if not more efficiently and effortlessly.
A better memory function can be widely attributed to the state of the body, particularly the brain. So it is to say that the more you take care of your body, the better chances you will get at improving your memory!
Simple ways abound on how to do so, in particular, rest and sleep are crucial determinants of better memory performance. Fir instance, it is during sleep where the brain processes the information it has received during the day and transforms them into memories for future retrieval. Minus sleep, the memory-making mechanism is disabled.
As for rest, stress is a known factor that contributes to major mental disorders that has to deal with a loss of memory functioning. To get a better memory, make sure that you diffuse stress often, or better yet, stress less in general. Find more ways for recreation and relaxation.
What you put inside your body also goes a long way with regards to getting better memory. Ensure you are capitalizing on brain foods such as those rich in omega 3 fatty acids that protect your brain cells and ensure smoother transmissions, such as those found in oily fish like tuna, herring, salmon, and cod. An assortment of plant foods, particularly an increase in berries also provide the necessary antioxidants that support the function of brain cells.
Get a better memory this instant!
A better memory function can be widely attributed to the state of the body, particularly the brain. So it is to say that the more you take care of your body, the better chances you will get at improving your memory!
Simple ways abound on how to do so, in particular, rest and sleep are crucial determinants of better memory performance. Fir instance, it is during sleep where the brain processes the information it has received during the day and transforms them into memories for future retrieval. Minus sleep, the memory-making mechanism is disabled.
As for rest, stress is a known factor that contributes to major mental disorders that has to deal with a loss of memory functioning. To get a better memory, make sure that you diffuse stress often, or better yet, stress less in general. Find more ways for recreation and relaxation.
What you put inside your body also goes a long way with regards to getting better memory. Ensure you are capitalizing on brain foods such as those rich in omega 3 fatty acids that protect your brain cells and ensure smoother transmissions, such as those found in oily fish like tuna, herring, salmon, and cod. An assortment of plant foods, particularly an increase in berries also provide the necessary antioxidants that support the function of brain cells.
Get a better memory this instant!
Improve Memory by Not Panicking
It is very off-putting when you suffer a bout of memory loss. If someone has asked you a question when it happens and they are waiting for your answer, you can end up standing there gawping like a fish out of water, and panicking inside because for the life of you, you simply can't remember.
This happens to many of us and is not necessarily the beginning of Alzheimer or an early visit to the local mental institution. Short term memory loss happens when one is tired, uneasy about something or has had too much alcohol recently. Illicit drugs have a similar effect too but if you are worrying about your current memory state, it's unlikely that we need to cover these.
One way to improve memory is not to panic when this happens because if you do, all that happens is that you end up concentrating more on the loss of memory than on finding the answer to the original question. Once you become unfocused, then you will stand little chance of recovering the required information easily.
It's uncomfortable yes, but don't just stand there with your mouth working soundlessly and your brain stuck in the mire. Don't panic, just remember to go back to the nearest thing around the time you learnt the answer to the question and it will most likely come flooding back. But if you panic, your attention then becomes focused on your panic and you lose the track to the memory.
If you have been called to account by the Boss over some perceived error and they ask you to "please explain" don't immediately switch memory to "I'm going to lose my job...they're going to fire me...what will I do..." because this has nothing to do with the question being asked. It's unnecessary stress that causes you to panic and it kills memory stone cold dead!
Take a deep breathe or two, control your fluttering heart and cast your mind back to the time that you did the work and why you did something in a certain way will become self-evident to you. If it has been a mistake on your part, own up to it and fix the problem. Don't dwell on the loss of memory as to why you couldn't remember at the time because this is self-defeating.
Once you have sorted through this, the next time you pass a Chemist Pharmacy or supermarket, go and get yourself some Omega3 Fish oil. These fish oils are wonderful food for improving memory.
This happens to many of us and is not necessarily the beginning of Alzheimer or an early visit to the local mental institution. Short term memory loss happens when one is tired, uneasy about something or has had too much alcohol recently. Illicit drugs have a similar effect too but if you are worrying about your current memory state, it's unlikely that we need to cover these.
One way to improve memory is not to panic when this happens because if you do, all that happens is that you end up concentrating more on the loss of memory than on finding the answer to the original question. Once you become unfocused, then you will stand little chance of recovering the required information easily.
It's uncomfortable yes, but don't just stand there with your mouth working soundlessly and your brain stuck in the mire. Don't panic, just remember to go back to the nearest thing around the time you learnt the answer to the question and it will most likely come flooding back. But if you panic, your attention then becomes focused on your panic and you lose the track to the memory.
If you have been called to account by the Boss over some perceived error and they ask you to "please explain" don't immediately switch memory to "I'm going to lose my job...they're going to fire me...what will I do..." because this has nothing to do with the question being asked. It's unnecessary stress that causes you to panic and it kills memory stone cold dead!
Take a deep breathe or two, control your fluttering heart and cast your mind back to the time that you did the work and why you did something in a certain way will become self-evident to you. If it has been a mistake on your part, own up to it and fix the problem. Don't dwell on the loss of memory as to why you couldn't remember at the time because this is self-defeating.
Once you have sorted through this, the next time you pass a Chemist Pharmacy or supermarket, go and get yourself some Omega3 Fish oil. These fish oils are wonderful food for improving memory.
The 5 Minute Phobia Cure
In the years I have studied and worked with NLP, I have been privy to wonderful transformations in the quality of many people's lives. For example, I have cured people of phobias from everything from snakes to heights - phobias that have plagued them for years and through many sessions with traditional therapists and institutions.
Traditional Remedies Are Ineffective Because They Aren't Looking In The Right Place
Why is the traditional therapy ineffective or so slow in producing a result which is at best usually some form of learning how to reduce or manage it? Because it continues to work within the existing structure of how they ran the phobic response inside themselves, rather than change it.
Knowing how they knew what they knew made all the difference. For example- the way someone knows how to have a snake phobia is: see a snake, hear a hissing internally, see a really large mental picture of the snake, feel panic.
Altering that pattern - In this example having the person imagine they are watching themselves having the response from behind a thick pane of glass, then running the sequence backwards several times so it makes it impossible to generate the original response addresses the issue at the level of how did they know to have the response to begin with with.
The longest I have ever had to do this with anyone and have the phobic response disappear is 35 minutes. And that person previously had been through over 20 years of treatment to try and manage it- in this case it was a phobia of heights, including a world famous Standford University desensitization program. Imagine what decisions people like this are free to make for themselves now that they do not have to orient their lives over avoiding the situations that used to trigger those responses!
More than ever, we need to explore effective ways to make the types of changes we most want to be able to live in this rapidly changing world. To find out more about personal growth and development and effective strategies, I suggest checking out resources like this one I am linking to.
Traditional Remedies Are Ineffective Because They Aren't Looking In The Right Place
Why is the traditional therapy ineffective or so slow in producing a result which is at best usually some form of learning how to reduce or manage it? Because it continues to work within the existing structure of how they ran the phobic response inside themselves, rather than change it.
Knowing how they knew what they knew made all the difference. For example- the way someone knows how to have a snake phobia is: see a snake, hear a hissing internally, see a really large mental picture of the snake, feel panic.
Altering that pattern - In this example having the person imagine they are watching themselves having the response from behind a thick pane of glass, then running the sequence backwards several times so it makes it impossible to generate the original response addresses the issue at the level of how did they know to have the response to begin with with.
The longest I have ever had to do this with anyone and have the phobic response disappear is 35 minutes. And that person previously had been through over 20 years of treatment to try and manage it- in this case it was a phobia of heights, including a world famous Standford University desensitization program. Imagine what decisions people like this are free to make for themselves now that they do not have to orient their lives over avoiding the situations that used to trigger those responses!
More than ever, we need to explore effective ways to make the types of changes we most want to be able to live in this rapidly changing world. To find out more about personal growth and development and effective strategies, I suggest checking out resources like this one I am linking to.
How to Strengthen Your Visual Memory
Strengthening your visual perception is a key to enhancing your visual memory. This pertains to skills you need to practice, understand, and analyze to be the next photographic memory champion.
The first thing is improving your ability to discriminate visually. This is popular on some entertainment sections of newspapers where there will be two illustrations side by side and you are challenged to spot the difference.
Good visual discrimination skills allows you to prevent confusion, especially in reading words with the same letters arranged differently, like "desserts" and "stressed".
To further enhanced visual memory and avoid confusion, hone your figure ground memory abilities. This is a skill you do when you remember a certain image amidst a background. This is especially helpful and most applicable since everywhere you go, you will be presented with loads of visual cues and you have to pick out those that you really want to commit to memory. Playing games like hidden images, like the classic "Where's Waldo" is an example of a brain exercise that works perfectly.
Another effective way to strengthen visual memory is through practicing your visual form constancy, which allows you to quickly process images in different perspectives. Some children have problems with this visual skill manifested by writing numbers on a mirrored form. Taking the time to develop your visual form constancy abilities will give you the ability to rotate images mentally to see how they look like without actually seeing the whole picture, giving you a quicker mental time to process them visually.
Strengthen visual memory and boost your brain performance like you've never seen before! Be your own super computer now.
The first thing is improving your ability to discriminate visually. This is popular on some entertainment sections of newspapers where there will be two illustrations side by side and you are challenged to spot the difference.
Good visual discrimination skills allows you to prevent confusion, especially in reading words with the same letters arranged differently, like "desserts" and "stressed".
To further enhanced visual memory and avoid confusion, hone your figure ground memory abilities. This is a skill you do when you remember a certain image amidst a background. This is especially helpful and most applicable since everywhere you go, you will be presented with loads of visual cues and you have to pick out those that you really want to commit to memory. Playing games like hidden images, like the classic "Where's Waldo" is an example of a brain exercise that works perfectly.
Another effective way to strengthen visual memory is through practicing your visual form constancy, which allows you to quickly process images in different perspectives. Some children have problems with this visual skill manifested by writing numbers on a mirrored form. Taking the time to develop your visual form constancy abilities will give you the ability to rotate images mentally to see how they look like without actually seeing the whole picture, giving you a quicker mental time to process them visually.
Strengthen visual memory and boost your brain performance like you've never seen before! Be your own super computer now.
Writing to Persuade - NLP
This is a document designed for lovers of NLP. The tips can be used when writing to persuade. This document uses subtle forms of NLP or neuro linguistics, law of attraction, affirmations, combined that takes the reader to quickly understand and start using the power of persuasion. The reader can consult this document at any state of consciousness. This document is very safe and satisfying read. This work subtly cast their subconscious causes the reader to be aware of their various thoughts related to what power of persuasion can affect our lives in general. So relax, breathe normally a pair, and let's begin.
You are a very persuasive person, humble and loving. Several times during your life you have been congratulated for their kind actions, their ability to share and style. Whether you like it or not, you have the perfect opportunity to meet their expectations and their dreams. You know what he wants and knows how to take what is what you want. His power to go beyond thinking that you get what you want, but you say we've all had the same property, although it is something you receive in the near future. raw snail may be left in the character of the lowest. Selfishness leads people to look with disgust you. Arrive, smile and offer someone a charge type when writing to persuade.
You are a super nice, understanding those around you, and always have something valuable to offer in return. Every time you give someone a compliment, so that nobody thinks verbal ways to reciprocate. It feels great that his words are so good, powerful and persuasive with humility. My orders are to complete person. When I get absolutely nothing, people speak and avoid me behind my back, you can not receive even the third best by the misfortune to bring to others and delayed development of their car. I am preparing to gently concentrate and make an order. Being now settled, use writing to persuade to understand.
When I give verbal praise, when writing to persuade, I am prepared to offer a gentle suggestion. If you're confused I'm getting ready to again offer another compliment. You get what you want all the time and it is always better. You are truly an amazing and beautiful human being. You are perfect subtly and gently offering suggestions. My suggestions allow you to receive what you want. If you confuse me gently and directly offer my orders, it is always obeyed. Sick and his words little strong, but the deaf. You have been strong and unpleasant when they want to be angry with you. Take a few minutes, relax, and consider my words. Making verbal praise, humble place your order, you receive only the best life possible.
You are a very persuasive person, humble and loving. Several times during your life you have been congratulated for their kind actions, their ability to share and style. Whether you like it or not, you have the perfect opportunity to meet their expectations and their dreams. You know what he wants and knows how to take what is what you want. His power to go beyond thinking that you get what you want, but you say we've all had the same property, although it is something you receive in the near future. raw snail may be left in the character of the lowest. Selfishness leads people to look with disgust you. Arrive, smile and offer someone a charge type when writing to persuade.
You are a super nice, understanding those around you, and always have something valuable to offer in return. Every time you give someone a compliment, so that nobody thinks verbal ways to reciprocate. It feels great that his words are so good, powerful and persuasive with humility. My orders are to complete person. When I get absolutely nothing, people speak and avoid me behind my back, you can not receive even the third best by the misfortune to bring to others and delayed development of their car. I am preparing to gently concentrate and make an order. Being now settled, use writing to persuade to understand.
When I give verbal praise, when writing to persuade, I am prepared to offer a gentle suggestion. If you're confused I'm getting ready to again offer another compliment. You get what you want all the time and it is always better. You are truly an amazing and beautiful human being. You are perfect subtly and gently offering suggestions. My suggestions allow you to receive what you want. If you confuse me gently and directly offer my orders, it is always obeyed. Sick and his words little strong, but the deaf. You have been strong and unpleasant when they want to be angry with you. Take a few minutes, relax, and consider my words. Making verbal praise, humble place your order, you receive only the best life possible.
The Magic of Dreaming
Have you ever really thought about dreaming? The real magic of dreams? What an incredible natural occurrence it is. Every night, whether we choose to or not, without any effort on our part, we dream. We may not remember anything at all about it, but still we dream. Our brains, unbidden by us, make up limitless scenarios through which we live in our dream state.
The other extraordinary thing is that there's a hidden pattern tied to every dream. Actually, the dream's there because of this pattern in the first place. As we've noted before, we dream during the Rapid Eye Movement (R.E.M.) of sleep, which happens about every 90 minutes throughout the night.
R.E.M. is noted in hypnosis, and it's during the trance, during the R.E.M. that the therapist, or we ourselves if we're practicing self-hypnosis, re-programme emotional or instinctive responses. Indeed, hypnosis is synonymous with R.E.M.
Now, since we do dream, and considering we spend up to 2 hours in every 24 dreaming, then there must be something important about this phenomena. I mean, nature wouldn't give us this ability, (or curse!), just to have a bit of fun, would it?
And of course it isn't just we humans who dream. Animals do, too. We've all seen the old dog by the fire suddenly start to twitch and whimper, or pusscat obviously mouse hunting. Talking about pusscat, if we feed it every day, it isn't using its hunting instinct, but during R.E.M. this ability is being re-programmed back into the animal.
We've seen that people with depression dream at least 6 hours a night, which is why they're so exhausted in the morning.
Another interesting point is that if we didn't dream, we'd go insane. If that's the only reason we dream, to keep us out of the rubber room, the dreaming's served its purpose. But of course there's a great deal more to it than that.
People of the ancient world were convinced that dreams could foretell the future and that during the night, when we dreamed, we had out of body experiences, that we left our earthly bodies behind and flew through entirely different dimensions, no doubt meeting all sorts of interesting people.
Freud was under the impression that when you dreamed, you were being presented with your secret desire. Well, I suppose that's as good as most theories - until you realize that even birds dream. Somehow, I doubt that the old crow, stretched out on a nice, comfy branch, is having erotic fantasies during his R.E.M. state about the nice little number that lives in the adjoining oak tree! But, who knows?
However, I think that we can safely discount that theory. There have been many others, but only one holds up under scrutiny.
The other extraordinary thing is that there's a hidden pattern tied to every dream. Actually, the dream's there because of this pattern in the first place. As we've noted before, we dream during the Rapid Eye Movement (R.E.M.) of sleep, which happens about every 90 minutes throughout the night.
R.E.M. is noted in hypnosis, and it's during the trance, during the R.E.M. that the therapist, or we ourselves if we're practicing self-hypnosis, re-programme emotional or instinctive responses. Indeed, hypnosis is synonymous with R.E.M.
Now, since we do dream, and considering we spend up to 2 hours in every 24 dreaming, then there must be something important about this phenomena. I mean, nature wouldn't give us this ability, (or curse!), just to have a bit of fun, would it?
And of course it isn't just we humans who dream. Animals do, too. We've all seen the old dog by the fire suddenly start to twitch and whimper, or pusscat obviously mouse hunting. Talking about pusscat, if we feed it every day, it isn't using its hunting instinct, but during R.E.M. this ability is being re-programmed back into the animal.
We've seen that people with depression dream at least 6 hours a night, which is why they're so exhausted in the morning.
Another interesting point is that if we didn't dream, we'd go insane. If that's the only reason we dream, to keep us out of the rubber room, the dreaming's served its purpose. But of course there's a great deal more to it than that.
People of the ancient world were convinced that dreams could foretell the future and that during the night, when we dreamed, we had out of body experiences, that we left our earthly bodies behind and flew through entirely different dimensions, no doubt meeting all sorts of interesting people.
Freud was under the impression that when you dreamed, you were being presented with your secret desire. Well, I suppose that's as good as most theories - until you realize that even birds dream. Somehow, I doubt that the old crow, stretched out on a nice, comfy branch, is having erotic fantasies during his R.E.M. state about the nice little number that lives in the adjoining oak tree! But, who knows?
However, I think that we can safely discount that theory. There have been many others, but only one holds up under scrutiny.
How to Use Mnemonic Technique to Memorize Fast
Mnemonic techniques have always been employed as a vehicle to speed up memorizing skills. Whatever you do in life, a good memory is always an advantage. If you are a student, you use these techniques to get better grades during exams. If you are working, you increase productivity dramatically when you are able to remember better. Even if you are a housewife, the trip to the grocery store would be a lot faster when you are able to memorize your list effectively.
You can do all of that successfully through the use of mnemonic techniques. There are three varied ways on which to take advantage of this memory enhancer.
First is through acronyms. You do this by simply taking the first letters of a series of words you want to memorize and construct a word. Example, when you are trying to commit to memory the word "Subscriber Identification Module", that is simply SIM.
Next is through an acrostic. You do a mnemonic technique this way by taking all of the first letters, again of a series of words, but instead of another word to remember, you create a sentence or a phrase that has meaning. Say you are dealing with math operations, you can use "Please evaluate my dear Alice's song" which stands for parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction.
Another easy and simple mnemonic technique to use is alliteration. This is done after you form a list of what you want to memorize in a sentence that all starts with the same letter, or pronunciation. Like Productivity, Precision, and Power as effective qualities of a leader.
Certainly, mnemonic techniques allow you to memorize on record speed.
You can do all of that successfully through the use of mnemonic techniques. There are three varied ways on which to take advantage of this memory enhancer.
First is through acronyms. You do this by simply taking the first letters of a series of words you want to memorize and construct a word. Example, when you are trying to commit to memory the word "Subscriber Identification Module", that is simply SIM.
Next is through an acrostic. You do a mnemonic technique this way by taking all of the first letters, again of a series of words, but instead of another word to remember, you create a sentence or a phrase that has meaning. Say you are dealing with math operations, you can use "Please evaluate my dear Alice's song" which stands for parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction.
Another easy and simple mnemonic technique to use is alliteration. This is done after you form a list of what you want to memorize in a sentence that all starts with the same letter, or pronunciation. Like Productivity, Precision, and Power as effective qualities of a leader.
Certainly, mnemonic techniques allow you to memorize on record speed.
Why Do You Want to Learn NLP?
People from different walks of life learn NLP for different reasons. Some seek to learn NLP so that they can live a life with no barriers or boundaries, while others search for a life which is endowed with huge success and achievement.
Regardless if it is endless physical vitality, enriching personal relationships, financial success or deep sense of spiritual purpose, learning NLP and properly applying it in your life can certainly help you achieve that.
Unknown to some, great achievers and leaders of the world such as Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton etc share something in common. They are all "master practitioners" of NLP.
Regardless they had been through a proper NLP certification program, these are people who learn NLP and make the best use out of it. That's essential because there is a big difference between knowing what to do, and doing what you know.
During our NLP certification, we are often curious why our practitioners want to learn NLP? What are their main drivers for pushing them to learn NLP and even to become a certified NLP practitioner?
3 Main Reasons Why People Learn NLP
1. To learn to manage priorities - If you have ever encountered any issue about time management in your life, it is usually due to your failure to manage your priorities in life. If everything that needs to be done in your life seems like an important task to you, then you will be hands tied. As such, you will need to learn to manage your priorities well.
Learning to manage your priorities well often requires you to understand what your values are in life, so that you can set better and more compelling outcomes for yourself.
Values refer to the things that we think and feel are most important to us. Whenever we are doing what we value most or whenever we are behaving in alignment to our values, we tend to be happier and more satisfied.
2. Influence people - Have you ever dreamed about becoming the person that everyone respects and admires; the kind of person who draws others to you like magnets? Would you like to improve your ability to influence others and enhance your people skills?
In our NLP Practitioner Programs, you will be learning various tools and techniques such as strategies, meta-model, Milton-model, metaphors etc to study and influence the thoughts of others. You will be learning ways of building more empowering and enriching relationships with the people around you, be it your spouse, children, co-workers, friends etc.
3. Managing your State - What can be more important in life than your ability to manage your state (emotional or mental state)?
It seems that whenever we are in a positive state (e.g. confidence, calm etc), everything in our life seems to be flowing. Things just get so much easier. On the other hand, whenever we are in a lousy state (e.g. fear, doubt, worry etc), we tend to perceive even the simplest things as insurmountable tasks.
Thus, a recognized NLP certification program will take you through myriad techniques to help you manage your state more effectively. These include popular tools and NLP techniques like the Swish pattern, anchoring, new behaviour generator etc.
In a nutshell, NLP is a personal mastery program that all of us need, since it allows us to "re-program" our mind, turning our negative emotions, patterns, and situations into positive emotions, patterns, and situations.
When you learn NLP and apply the techniques and strategies in your life, you will not only influence yourself positively but also those around you.
Currently you may be holding on to some limiting beliefs which are preventing you from achieving the success and dreams you truly desire in life.
And learning NLP, you will be provided with practical strategies to banish those old and self-defeating patterns and create more empowering and loving relationships with the people around you.
If you have gone through books after books, attended seminars after seminars hoping to learn some practical techniques and strategies that will enable you to overcome some of your worst fears in life but to no avail, then NLP will be the final stop of your quest.
So, what are your reasons for wanting to learn NLP? Do they coincide with the reasons as our practitioners?
If your reasons are like our NLP practitioners, to have mastery over their lives and be a catalyst of positive changes for others, NLP may be just the answer you are looking for.
To learn more about NLP, check out our high quality, top notch free Neuro Linguistic Programming resources where you will receive different NLP techniques, tricks and advices. Learn NLP and start applying them to enjoy great successes in your life.
If you are interested to become a certified NLP practitioner, why not check out our Singapore NLP Certification Program, where you will learn more in-depth NLP techniques and how to make permanent changes in your life.
Have we already mentioned that you will also become a world-recognized NLP practitioner after you've successfully completed from our course?
Regardless if it is endless physical vitality, enriching personal relationships, financial success or deep sense of spiritual purpose, learning NLP and properly applying it in your life can certainly help you achieve that.
Unknown to some, great achievers and leaders of the world such as Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton etc share something in common. They are all "master practitioners" of NLP.
Regardless they had been through a proper NLP certification program, these are people who learn NLP and make the best use out of it. That's essential because there is a big difference between knowing what to do, and doing what you know.
During our NLP certification, we are often curious why our practitioners want to learn NLP? What are their main drivers for pushing them to learn NLP and even to become a certified NLP practitioner?
3 Main Reasons Why People Learn NLP
1. To learn to manage priorities - If you have ever encountered any issue about time management in your life, it is usually due to your failure to manage your priorities in life. If everything that needs to be done in your life seems like an important task to you, then you will be hands tied. As such, you will need to learn to manage your priorities well.
Learning to manage your priorities well often requires you to understand what your values are in life, so that you can set better and more compelling outcomes for yourself.
Values refer to the things that we think and feel are most important to us. Whenever we are doing what we value most or whenever we are behaving in alignment to our values, we tend to be happier and more satisfied.
2. Influence people - Have you ever dreamed about becoming the person that everyone respects and admires; the kind of person who draws others to you like magnets? Would you like to improve your ability to influence others and enhance your people skills?
In our NLP Practitioner Programs, you will be learning various tools and techniques such as strategies, meta-model, Milton-model, metaphors etc to study and influence the thoughts of others. You will be learning ways of building more empowering and enriching relationships with the people around you, be it your spouse, children, co-workers, friends etc.
3. Managing your State - What can be more important in life than your ability to manage your state (emotional or mental state)?
It seems that whenever we are in a positive state (e.g. confidence, calm etc), everything in our life seems to be flowing. Things just get so much easier. On the other hand, whenever we are in a lousy state (e.g. fear, doubt, worry etc), we tend to perceive even the simplest things as insurmountable tasks.
Thus, a recognized NLP certification program will take you through myriad techniques to help you manage your state more effectively. These include popular tools and NLP techniques like the Swish pattern, anchoring, new behaviour generator etc.
In a nutshell, NLP is a personal mastery program that all of us need, since it allows us to "re-program" our mind, turning our negative emotions, patterns, and situations into positive emotions, patterns, and situations.
When you learn NLP and apply the techniques and strategies in your life, you will not only influence yourself positively but also those around you.
Currently you may be holding on to some limiting beliefs which are preventing you from achieving the success and dreams you truly desire in life.
And learning NLP, you will be provided with practical strategies to banish those old and self-defeating patterns and create more empowering and loving relationships with the people around you.
If you have gone through books after books, attended seminars after seminars hoping to learn some practical techniques and strategies that will enable you to overcome some of your worst fears in life but to no avail, then NLP will be the final stop of your quest.
So, what are your reasons for wanting to learn NLP? Do they coincide with the reasons as our practitioners?
If your reasons are like our NLP practitioners, to have mastery over their lives and be a catalyst of positive changes for others, NLP may be just the answer you are looking for.
To learn more about NLP, check out our high quality, top notch free Neuro Linguistic Programming resources where you will receive different NLP techniques, tricks and advices. Learn NLP and start applying them to enjoy great successes in your life.
If you are interested to become a certified NLP practitioner, why not check out our Singapore NLP Certification Program, where you will learn more in-depth NLP techniques and how to make permanent changes in your life.
Have we already mentioned that you will also become a world-recognized NLP practitioner after you've successfully completed from our course?
How to Enhance Memory Work
Attaining an enhanced memory needs less work than you think it demands. Of course, you want it bad because of the knowledge that an enhanced memory works wonders - it increases productivity, boosts performance, and builds your confidence along the way.
Follow this easy guide to enhancing your memory and be on your way to a successful life:
1. Transform information and fit it into the learning style that works best for you. Sometimes the problem is not with your memorizing ability but the way you do it. If you find yourself more of a visual learner, convert material you are using into images to enhance your memory work better. If you are more of auditory, then sing it. This way, your memorization will be faster and more efficient.
2. Involve your other senses. When you study, work a larger part of your brain by using as many senses as you can and enhance your memory. Instead of just looking at a material, read it aloud, do demonstrations if you can or teach it to somebody else. The more things you do with it, the greater the chances you will be able to burn in into your memory for easier recall.
3. Related information to your previous knowledge. Association is a powerful tool to enhance memory work. When you are able to connect new information into existing ones, not only are you creating new memories, but you are also strengthening and refreshing old ones, and building new linkages inside your brain that will further boost your memory skills.
Follow this easy guide to enhancing your memory and be on your way to a successful life:
1. Transform information and fit it into the learning style that works best for you. Sometimes the problem is not with your memorizing ability but the way you do it. If you find yourself more of a visual learner, convert material you are using into images to enhance your memory work better. If you are more of auditory, then sing it. This way, your memorization will be faster and more efficient.
2. Involve your other senses. When you study, work a larger part of your brain by using as many senses as you can and enhance your memory. Instead of just looking at a material, read it aloud, do demonstrations if you can or teach it to somebody else. The more things you do with it, the greater the chances you will be able to burn in into your memory for easier recall.
3. Related information to your previous knowledge. Association is a powerful tool to enhance memory work. When you are able to connect new information into existing ones, not only are you creating new memories, but you are also strengthening and refreshing old ones, and building new linkages inside your brain that will further boost your memory skills.
Hypnosis and Gene Expression
A turning point in Science and our approach to the human body occurred in 1953 when Watson and Crick discovered the double helix structure of DNA. DNA consists of four base chemicals called nucleotides: adenine, guanine, cytosine and thymine that reside on the inner surface of two parallel sugar and phosphate rails. DNA holds all the information required to produce and maintain a living organism.
In 2003 the Human Genome Project was completed and the entire sequence of human genes was unraveled, mapped and stored in databases. In the past decade DNA microarray technology has made it possible to measure the expression levels of many thousands of genes simultaneously.
DNA microarrays are quite complex, but basically thousands of microscopic spots of DNA can be attached to a solid surface, usually glass or silicon. This gives rise to the name "gene chip". A gene chip can be analyzed for coding structure. The coding structure can then be referenced against the knowledge that exists on the gene databases. The genes can also be referenced to a person's own DNA to observe changes and differences over time.
A recent article in the Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy & Hypnosis made me aware of the existence of a branch of research entitled Psychosocial Genomics. Psychosocial Genomics is the study of how inner psychological events and interactive social events can stimulate gene expression. The process is thought to proceed from brain to body.
Until I read this article I had no idea that such research has ever taken place and I was immediately fascinated by it. I had been practicing Clinical Hypnotherapy since 1993, knowing that it achieved amazing results but not thoroughly understanding how these results were achieved. I had too much scientific training behind me to be caught up in the egoistic notion that it was just I who was responsible for the results. I knew instinctively that changes must take place in the clients' neurotransmitters levels, but further than that, did not give it further thought.
Reading the article revealed to me that Ernest Rossi, a leading Psychotherapist and Clinical Psychologist had proposed a connection between gene expression, protein synthesis and hypnosis as far back as the mid-seventies.
Psychosocial Genomics, through the examination of gene expression seeks to understand the activity of the hypnotherapeutic process and provide some degree of measure. Gene expression enables an ongoing cascade of processes in the body including protein synthesis, and a swathe of biological processes. The biological processes include positive healing activities of the immune system (anti-inflammatory), beneficial alteration of mental and emotional states (hormonal, peptide and neurotransmitter balance) and the growth and development of new, neural and neuronal structures (nerve and brain plasticity).
If all of these processes were a result of psychosocial (mind/brain) processes activating the body this would provide evidence that corroborates what my instincts were telling me. Furthermore, evidence of these processes could convince even the most hardened sceptic of the validity of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy.
In 2008 Ernest Rossi, Salvatore Iannotti, Mauro Cozzolino, Stefano Castiglione, Angela Cicatelli and Kathryn Rossi extended the use of DNA microarrays to a pilot study. The study assessed the hypothesis that a top-down creatively oriented positive human experience can modulate gene expression on the molecular level. It explored a new psychotherapeutic protocol comprising of hypnosis, psychotherapy, rehabilitation, meditation, and pastoral counseling. The name given to the protocol was "The Creative Psychosocial Genomic Healing Experience."
This research was co-sponsored by the Ernest Lawrence Rossi Foundation for Psychosocial Genomics, The University of Salerno Department of Chemistry and Department of Education Sciences and The Instituto Mente-Corpo (The Mind-Body Institute) in San Lorenzo Maggiore, Italy. A DNA microarray data analysis of the white blood cells of three human subjects was performed immediately before, one hour after, and 24 hours after The Creative Psychosocial Genomic Healing Experience. Changes in the expression of 15 early response genes were documented within one hour of the experience. These apparently initiated a further cascade of 77 genes 24 hours later.
Although this was just a pilot study, it proved a principle. Further cross validation is now needed, with more subjects and a variety of diagnostic classifications. Further cross validation and documentation will test the validity and reliability of using DNA microarrays to provide evidence for this kind of healing. Nevertheless, this pilot study reinforces the efficacy and benefits of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy.
In 2003 the Human Genome Project was completed and the entire sequence of human genes was unraveled, mapped and stored in databases. In the past decade DNA microarray technology has made it possible to measure the expression levels of many thousands of genes simultaneously.
DNA microarrays are quite complex, but basically thousands of microscopic spots of DNA can be attached to a solid surface, usually glass or silicon. This gives rise to the name "gene chip". A gene chip can be analyzed for coding structure. The coding structure can then be referenced against the knowledge that exists on the gene databases. The genes can also be referenced to a person's own DNA to observe changes and differences over time.
A recent article in the Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy & Hypnosis made me aware of the existence of a branch of research entitled Psychosocial Genomics. Psychosocial Genomics is the study of how inner psychological events and interactive social events can stimulate gene expression. The process is thought to proceed from brain to body.
Until I read this article I had no idea that such research has ever taken place and I was immediately fascinated by it. I had been practicing Clinical Hypnotherapy since 1993, knowing that it achieved amazing results but not thoroughly understanding how these results were achieved. I had too much scientific training behind me to be caught up in the egoistic notion that it was just I who was responsible for the results. I knew instinctively that changes must take place in the clients' neurotransmitters levels, but further than that, did not give it further thought.
Reading the article revealed to me that Ernest Rossi, a leading Psychotherapist and Clinical Psychologist had proposed a connection between gene expression, protein synthesis and hypnosis as far back as the mid-seventies.
Psychosocial Genomics, through the examination of gene expression seeks to understand the activity of the hypnotherapeutic process and provide some degree of measure. Gene expression enables an ongoing cascade of processes in the body including protein synthesis, and a swathe of biological processes. The biological processes include positive healing activities of the immune system (anti-inflammatory), beneficial alteration of mental and emotional states (hormonal, peptide and neurotransmitter balance) and the growth and development of new, neural and neuronal structures (nerve and brain plasticity).
If all of these processes were a result of psychosocial (mind/brain) processes activating the body this would provide evidence that corroborates what my instincts were telling me. Furthermore, evidence of these processes could convince even the most hardened sceptic of the validity of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy.
In 2008 Ernest Rossi, Salvatore Iannotti, Mauro Cozzolino, Stefano Castiglione, Angela Cicatelli and Kathryn Rossi extended the use of DNA microarrays to a pilot study. The study assessed the hypothesis that a top-down creatively oriented positive human experience can modulate gene expression on the molecular level. It explored a new psychotherapeutic protocol comprising of hypnosis, psychotherapy, rehabilitation, meditation, and pastoral counseling. The name given to the protocol was "The Creative Psychosocial Genomic Healing Experience."
This research was co-sponsored by the Ernest Lawrence Rossi Foundation for Psychosocial Genomics, The University of Salerno Department of Chemistry and Department of Education Sciences and The Instituto Mente-Corpo (The Mind-Body Institute) in San Lorenzo Maggiore, Italy. A DNA microarray data analysis of the white blood cells of three human subjects was performed immediately before, one hour after, and 24 hours after The Creative Psychosocial Genomic Healing Experience. Changes in the expression of 15 early response genes were documented within one hour of the experience. These apparently initiated a further cascade of 77 genes 24 hours later.
Although this was just a pilot study, it proved a principle. Further cross validation is now needed, with more subjects and a variety of diagnostic classifications. Further cross validation and documentation will test the validity and reliability of using DNA microarrays to provide evidence for this kind of healing. Nevertheless, this pilot study reinforces the efficacy and benefits of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy.
Fantastic Tips For Memory Improvement!
Memory improvement is a must in this information-savvy generation. All of a sudden, it seems that you just have to remember more at once! Think passwords, PINs, and a never ending stream of lists. It seems like the only way to keep up and not get lost in a sea of chaotic information is to find ways for memory improvement.
But what is amazing is the fact that there are simple and effective ways that you can adapt and incorporate into your activities of daily living that will spell a big difference in your memory performance.
Begin your memory training course by being more visual. You use you eyes all the time, but if you focus more on them, you will benefit immensely. Focus on what you are seeing and allow your eyes to absorb them. Even better, before doing tasks, visualize your self doing them already, in a particular way or order. This way, once you actually perform them, the strong visual images you have generated will serve as your guide, straight off from your improved memory.
Making lists is practically one of the most used techniques for memory improvement, to be able to organize and classify information, but the trick is to do them effectively. Instead of sentences, abbreviate. Use keywords that will be easier for you to remember. Have this keywords associated into other things that mean something to you to be able to burn them into your memory better. It also helps to rewrite your list as you go because it is also an act for memory improvement.
Follow these fantastic tips for memory improvement. It is better to allow for brain memory training with a regular schedule you can easily incorporate into your daily life rather than a long marathon that will bore you to death!
But what is amazing is the fact that there are simple and effective ways that you can adapt and incorporate into your activities of daily living that will spell a big difference in your memory performance.
Begin your memory training course by being more visual. You use you eyes all the time, but if you focus more on them, you will benefit immensely. Focus on what you are seeing and allow your eyes to absorb them. Even better, before doing tasks, visualize your self doing them already, in a particular way or order. This way, once you actually perform them, the strong visual images you have generated will serve as your guide, straight off from your improved memory.
Making lists is practically one of the most used techniques for memory improvement, to be able to organize and classify information, but the trick is to do them effectively. Instead of sentences, abbreviate. Use keywords that will be easier for you to remember. Have this keywords associated into other things that mean something to you to be able to burn them into your memory better. It also helps to rewrite your list as you go because it is also an act for memory improvement.
Follow these fantastic tips for memory improvement. It is better to allow for brain memory training with a regular schedule you can easily incorporate into your daily life rather than a long marathon that will bore you to death!
Can Hypnosis Help?
What concerns does your child have? What concerns do you have about your child? At this time of year, returning to school can have a lot of negative consequences for children and teenagers. Your child may start bedwetting again. How do you handle your child's school phobia? Is your child bullied or indeed, is your child the bully? There is no doubt that our children's issues can leave us with sleepless nights. What is the right thing to do - get them to toughen it out, keep them at home? Children's anxieties are very real and as an adult, anxiety is difficult enough without the underdeveloped emotional attachment to the anxiety. Anxiety in children can manifest in the children becoming withdrawn, bedwetting, and developing tics. You may be at the end of your tether.
Hypnosis is a gentle relaxation which can occur at any level of consciousness. Have you ever driven home and not remembered the journey - that's hypnosis. We automatically day dream every 90 minutes - it is the mind's way of resetting itself. While hypnosis may be synonymous with stopping smoking and losing weight, it is in actual fact a key to your subconscious mind. We know that it is possible to change the neurology of the mind - i.e. re-programming the mind to be the way you want. So why not teach your child how to access their minds now so they no longer have to endure their anxieties.
Children are naturally gifted when it comes to imagination. You could say they are most natural candidates for hypnosis. Obviously, any experienced hypnotherapist will work within the child's framework - what works for little children will not work for teenagers as they are looking to be accepted into the world as young adults. Little tips would include when your child is asleep at night, whisper affirmations in the present tense - e.g. "you are a big boy/girl now who has dry nights and looks forward to waking in the morning in a dry bed", "when you are confident, you stand tall". Including the child's favourite superhero in the story is helpful and gives them a sense of strength that they can draw on. Sleep is when the subconscious mind makes sense of the world and untangles any worries.
In a hypnotic session, the parent is always present but it can be useful for the parent to wear headphones so the child feels they have some privacy. Obviously, children will find it easier to open up if they are not being bombarded with questions and it is important that the therapist has a rapport with the child. This is the time for the child to learn about the amazing workings of their own mind and how they don't need to be upset by what others say and do. Children feel things as we feel things but remember they are absorbing your issues as well as their own. Children need to be able to release these emotions in that they can gain confidence and assertiveness. In our world, it can seem as though children are being treated as mini-adults - they are not, they are children whose childhood needs to be spent learning about themselves and the world. Hypnosis is not about making the child into something you or the therapist wants - it is what the child wants and giving them skills they can take into adulthood.
Hypnosis is a gentle relaxation which can occur at any level of consciousness. Have you ever driven home and not remembered the journey - that's hypnosis. We automatically day dream every 90 minutes - it is the mind's way of resetting itself. While hypnosis may be synonymous with stopping smoking and losing weight, it is in actual fact a key to your subconscious mind. We know that it is possible to change the neurology of the mind - i.e. re-programming the mind to be the way you want. So why not teach your child how to access their minds now so they no longer have to endure their anxieties.
Children are naturally gifted when it comes to imagination. You could say they are most natural candidates for hypnosis. Obviously, any experienced hypnotherapist will work within the child's framework - what works for little children will not work for teenagers as they are looking to be accepted into the world as young adults. Little tips would include when your child is asleep at night, whisper affirmations in the present tense - e.g. "you are a big boy/girl now who has dry nights and looks forward to waking in the morning in a dry bed", "when you are confident, you stand tall". Including the child's favourite superhero in the story is helpful and gives them a sense of strength that they can draw on. Sleep is when the subconscious mind makes sense of the world and untangles any worries.
In a hypnotic session, the parent is always present but it can be useful for the parent to wear headphones so the child feels they have some privacy. Obviously, children will find it easier to open up if they are not being bombarded with questions and it is important that the therapist has a rapport with the child. This is the time for the child to learn about the amazing workings of their own mind and how they don't need to be upset by what others say and do. Children feel things as we feel things but remember they are absorbing your issues as well as their own. Children need to be able to release these emotions in that they can gain confidence and assertiveness. In our world, it can seem as though children are being treated as mini-adults - they are not, they are children whose childhood needs to be spent learning about themselves and the world. Hypnosis is not about making the child into something you or the therapist wants - it is what the child wants and giving them skills they can take into adulthood.
Boost Your Memory System and Be a Human Computer!
A boost in memory function surely goes a long way, as the information boom continue to rule over the global community. The best way to keep up is to be able to find ways to use brain function more effectively to increase productivity and competitiveness.
There are simple ways to adapt to speed up thinking and boost memory to be able to perform with the efficiency of a superhuman computer. These are easy tips you can incorporate into your activities of daily living to ensure your coping.
1. When you are forced to speed up your thinking because of a chaos of tasks to address, boost memory function by slowing down. This is effective because it will allow you to organize your thought, see things clearly, and avoid mistakes that you could have done in your haste. Deal with things one at a time and boost your memory by giving it an opportunity to cool down and analyze.
2. Try to think out loud. This is known as self-instruction. When you hear yourself think, you also work your auditory memory, giving you a bigger bulk of brain activity. This allows your brain to process a longer stream of information, boosting memory and efficiency by a mile.
3. You can also boost memory by improving your reading skills. Speed read more effectively and increase comprehension by applying it when you are reading for pleasure. Studies show a great increase not only in speed, but also in comprehension this way, boosting memory function on an immense scale.
Give your memory a good boost and perform your absolute best all the time!
Increase your memory and watch your productivity skyrocket like you have never seen before
There are simple ways to adapt to speed up thinking and boost memory to be able to perform with the efficiency of a superhuman computer. These are easy tips you can incorporate into your activities of daily living to ensure your coping.
1. When you are forced to speed up your thinking because of a chaos of tasks to address, boost memory function by slowing down. This is effective because it will allow you to organize your thought, see things clearly, and avoid mistakes that you could have done in your haste. Deal with things one at a time and boost your memory by giving it an opportunity to cool down and analyze.
2. Try to think out loud. This is known as self-instruction. When you hear yourself think, you also work your auditory memory, giving you a bigger bulk of brain activity. This allows your brain to process a longer stream of information, boosting memory and efficiency by a mile.
3. You can also boost memory by improving your reading skills. Speed read more effectively and increase comprehension by applying it when you are reading for pleasure. Studies show a great increase not only in speed, but also in comprehension this way, boosting memory function on an immense scale.
Give your memory a good boost and perform your absolute best all the time!
Increase your memory and watch your productivity skyrocket like you have never seen before
Quantum Rapport
We continue our discussion on this intriguing topic rapport today. Today we will talk about body language but not what you normally think of as body language. While that is important when we delve into what is called matching and mirroring for now we will take a closer look at body language. A quantum look if you will.
When you are with someone in any situation be it business or otherwise start noticing the following:
Skin Color
Skin Tonus
Breathing
Lower Lip size
Eyes
Let's look at each individually. With skin color look for any change in skin color particularly from light to dark. If you are practicing with someone of a darker complexion imagine the person is in a black and white photo and see if you can detect the changes that way.
Skin tonus refers to the muscles of the face. Even if a person has on allot of facial cream or powder the way the light reflects off of their skin can be seen to change. There are over 80 muscles in the face and many make only micro movements. As you start looking at people with your higher sensory acuity you will be able to detect these micro muscle movements.
Breathing is the next thing to pay attention to. Some people breath in the lower abdomen. Some people breath in the mid abdomen and some breath in the upper chest. People who breath in the upper chest are typically shallow breathers and this can be an indication of their preferred representational system. We will discuss representational systems in a later post.
Next we have the lower lip size. When I was first learning NLP, I found this most intriguing. As I looked at people's lower lip size I was able to detect that the lower lip size do in fact change depending on the situation. It is very interesting to see.
The eyes or the window to the soul as some people refer to them are last in this list but certainly not least. As we continue our journey exploring rapport you will see that the eyes tell a very accurate story of what is actually going on in the person's mind. Try this right now. Ask someone the color of the room they grew up in when they were a child. As they answer look at the movement of their eyes. If you did this correctly and did not look away you would see that they ended up moving their eyes up and to your right, their left. How did I know that? Well I am not psychic but these eye movements have been shown to be very predictable.
When you are with someone in any situation be it business or otherwise start noticing the following:
Skin Color
Skin Tonus
Breathing
Lower Lip size
Eyes
Let's look at each individually. With skin color look for any change in skin color particularly from light to dark. If you are practicing with someone of a darker complexion imagine the person is in a black and white photo and see if you can detect the changes that way.
Skin tonus refers to the muscles of the face. Even if a person has on allot of facial cream or powder the way the light reflects off of their skin can be seen to change. There are over 80 muscles in the face and many make only micro movements. As you start looking at people with your higher sensory acuity you will be able to detect these micro muscle movements.
Breathing is the next thing to pay attention to. Some people breath in the lower abdomen. Some people breath in the mid abdomen and some breath in the upper chest. People who breath in the upper chest are typically shallow breathers and this can be an indication of their preferred representational system. We will discuss representational systems in a later post.
Next we have the lower lip size. When I was first learning NLP, I found this most intriguing. As I looked at people's lower lip size I was able to detect that the lower lip size do in fact change depending on the situation. It is very interesting to see.
The eyes or the window to the soul as some people refer to them are last in this list but certainly not least. As we continue our journey exploring rapport you will see that the eyes tell a very accurate story of what is actually going on in the person's mind. Try this right now. Ask someone the color of the room they grew up in when they were a child. As they answer look at the movement of their eyes. If you did this correctly and did not look away you would see that they ended up moving their eyes up and to your right, their left. How did I know that? Well I am not psychic but these eye movements have been shown to be very predictable.
Improve Brain Fitness and Enhance Memory
Brain fitness to improve memory is an important issue to address especially in this health conscious generation. It is a majority belief that a healthier brain does not only improve memorization skills and increase productivity and performance, it also boosts general wellness.
To start your brain fitness program and improve memory, plan your diet well. People miss out a whole lot of memory enhancement with poor food choices. A diet high in saturated fats, not only predisposes you to weight gain and heart attack, it is also one of the factors blamed for memory related disorders, particularly those associated with aging. Meanwhile, one that is high in omega3 fatty acids showed a dramatic increase in brain cell membrane health and enhanced transmission between them leading to an improved memory.
Physical exercise also does wonders for brain fitness. If you want to improve memory, physical exercise helps you this way by giving you better circulation, delivering vital nutrients, oxygen, and glucose to your brain, ensuring its stock of energy to furnish you with your memory and brain fitness needs.
But rest and recreation should not be overlooked too. Remember how it feels like when somebody at a meeting asks you a particular question and you feel you know the answer but could not really say it, then afterwards on your way to your car on the parking lot, it crosses your mind and you blurt it out loud? That is what stress does to your memory, so make sure you are finding proper avenues to diffuse your stress through healthy ways that aid your efforts.
To start your brain fitness program and improve memory, plan your diet well. People miss out a whole lot of memory enhancement with poor food choices. A diet high in saturated fats, not only predisposes you to weight gain and heart attack, it is also one of the factors blamed for memory related disorders, particularly those associated with aging. Meanwhile, one that is high in omega3 fatty acids showed a dramatic increase in brain cell membrane health and enhanced transmission between them leading to an improved memory.
Physical exercise also does wonders for brain fitness. If you want to improve memory, physical exercise helps you this way by giving you better circulation, delivering vital nutrients, oxygen, and glucose to your brain, ensuring its stock of energy to furnish you with your memory and brain fitness needs.
But rest and recreation should not be overlooked too. Remember how it feels like when somebody at a meeting asks you a particular question and you feel you know the answer but could not really say it, then afterwards on your way to your car on the parking lot, it crosses your mind and you blurt it out loud? That is what stress does to your memory, so make sure you are finding proper avenues to diffuse your stress through healthy ways that aid your efforts.
Developing Rapport and Building Intuition With Anyone by Sharing Resources
At the time of writing this, my business partner and his wife are currently enjoying themselves on holiday and celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. One of the things that all of us are sure to notice about people when they spend good periods of time in the company of others, is that they can take on certain traits of those people... Not to mention taking on many of their strengths. I know in the years that I have been with my own wife, I have learnt many strengths that she embodies in day to day life.
A process I learned from Robert Dilts that I am sharing with you here is one whereby you can do this process of sharing resources with anyone - whether you are married to them or not! This exercise is best done in pairs first of all, then you might consider doing it in larger groups, I'll explain how later on.
Step One: With a good receptive mindset and in a place you are going to be undisturbed and can focus, select a resource that your partner has that can be shared.
Have them think about an experience they had where they used that resource wonderfully; ensure your partner is aware of what they saw, heard and felt, what their internal dialogue was and as they recall all of that, and have them express that experience and that resource in body movement, gestures and posture.
Ideally, they should choose a recent experience that they found to be resourceful and that they can recall as vividly as possible.
Really explore the body movements, posture and non-verbal nuances that somehow express that resourceful state in the best way possible. Once they have done this as best as they possibly can, spending an adequate period of time on it, move to the next step.
Step Two: You now face your partner and begin to mimic, copy and imitate their movements.
Facing your partner at a comfortable level, follow this movement pattern. Now, continuing where you are facing them, imitate your partner's body movements whilst really taking as much notice of all the details, rhythms, gestures, posture, timings, sounds and everything else you can possibly be aware of. Only when you feel you have really taken it on board and are imitating it closely, then move on to the next step.
Step Three: Now you swap positions with your partner and step into the space they were in so that you can take on and adopt your partner's experience and movements as if you were in their shoes.
Engage in the experience to the extent where you imagine taking on their mindset, stepping into their body and experiencing the entire thing through your partners eyes. Express yourself as though you were actually them.
Pay very close attention to your thoughts now, your movements and really notice any subtle ways, nuances, mannerisms that change whilst experiencing the process from their point of view. Once you feel you have taken on their movements and learned even more about this resource, then move on to the next step.
Step Four: Now step into an entirely neutral space, and be a 'fly on the wall' or just a neutral observer. Imagine replaying and watching all the previous sets of movements that just occurred - your partners original movements, your imitation and then you stepping into their shoes... Watch it all happening again from an entirely neutral stance.
From this position, get a sense of what makes your partner's movements similar to and different from your own. get a real notion of what they are doing and how well you did the same thing. notice any adjustments that may need to be made or that you see what is going on for all those positions being replayed in your mind.
Once you have gathered as much information and observed as much as you can, move on to the next step.
Step Five: You now have some fun... Returning to your starting position, now turn and get yourself side by side with your partner.
You then make your resource movements, and allow your partner to make their own version of the movements. Together, in discussion or just by making physical adjustments, affect your movements until you start to blend the two resource states through movement. You start to share your space and your movements in a lovely way.
Just compare and share and alter in any way that you feel makes the resource even better and more progressive, in whatever way that means to you. Get of sense of what it means to have this resource and there you have it... It is yours, you have shared it! Once you have spent enough time and made all the adjustments that you feel you need to, if you want to do this in larger groups (I sometimes do this on trainings), then move on...
Step Six: So now if you are doing this in a group, you follow all the previous steps in pairs, then you now go and repeat the process with another pair.
Simply put, you both now find another pair and repeat the pattern. This time, start with the movement that you created together.... You'll blend your resource states together, so to speak, each time creating more wonderful resource states to share and develop. You can then just swap pairs and spend time with more people doing this, or you can continue to expand the group and shared sense of joining resources until the entire group is experiencing the same thing altogether... It is a lovely thing to do for all manner of reasons!
Step Seven: Whether you remain in a pair or a big group sharing the resources, have a go at testing what you've done.
Get some feedback and explore what the shared resource was like for those involved.
You see as well as developing resources, what this exercise is really about, is enhancing your ability to empathise, develop rapport, be intuitive and create a connection with others... Just like the things that occur naturally when people have been married for a number of years as I mentioned at the beginning.
A process I learned from Robert Dilts that I am sharing with you here is one whereby you can do this process of sharing resources with anyone - whether you are married to them or not! This exercise is best done in pairs first of all, then you might consider doing it in larger groups, I'll explain how later on.
Step One: With a good receptive mindset and in a place you are going to be undisturbed and can focus, select a resource that your partner has that can be shared.
Have them think about an experience they had where they used that resource wonderfully; ensure your partner is aware of what they saw, heard and felt, what their internal dialogue was and as they recall all of that, and have them express that experience and that resource in body movement, gestures and posture.
Ideally, they should choose a recent experience that they found to be resourceful and that they can recall as vividly as possible.
Really explore the body movements, posture and non-verbal nuances that somehow express that resourceful state in the best way possible. Once they have done this as best as they possibly can, spending an adequate period of time on it, move to the next step.
Step Two: You now face your partner and begin to mimic, copy and imitate their movements.
Facing your partner at a comfortable level, follow this movement pattern. Now, continuing where you are facing them, imitate your partner's body movements whilst really taking as much notice of all the details, rhythms, gestures, posture, timings, sounds and everything else you can possibly be aware of. Only when you feel you have really taken it on board and are imitating it closely, then move on to the next step.
Step Three: Now you swap positions with your partner and step into the space they were in so that you can take on and adopt your partner's experience and movements as if you were in their shoes.
Engage in the experience to the extent where you imagine taking on their mindset, stepping into their body and experiencing the entire thing through your partners eyes. Express yourself as though you were actually them.
Pay very close attention to your thoughts now, your movements and really notice any subtle ways, nuances, mannerisms that change whilst experiencing the process from their point of view. Once you feel you have taken on their movements and learned even more about this resource, then move on to the next step.
Step Four: Now step into an entirely neutral space, and be a 'fly on the wall' or just a neutral observer. Imagine replaying and watching all the previous sets of movements that just occurred - your partners original movements, your imitation and then you stepping into their shoes... Watch it all happening again from an entirely neutral stance.
From this position, get a sense of what makes your partner's movements similar to and different from your own. get a real notion of what they are doing and how well you did the same thing. notice any adjustments that may need to be made or that you see what is going on for all those positions being replayed in your mind.
Once you have gathered as much information and observed as much as you can, move on to the next step.
Step Five: You now have some fun... Returning to your starting position, now turn and get yourself side by side with your partner.
You then make your resource movements, and allow your partner to make their own version of the movements. Together, in discussion or just by making physical adjustments, affect your movements until you start to blend the two resource states through movement. You start to share your space and your movements in a lovely way.
Just compare and share and alter in any way that you feel makes the resource even better and more progressive, in whatever way that means to you. Get of sense of what it means to have this resource and there you have it... It is yours, you have shared it! Once you have spent enough time and made all the adjustments that you feel you need to, if you want to do this in larger groups (I sometimes do this on trainings), then move on...
Step Six: So now if you are doing this in a group, you follow all the previous steps in pairs, then you now go and repeat the process with another pair.
Simply put, you both now find another pair and repeat the pattern. This time, start with the movement that you created together.... You'll blend your resource states together, so to speak, each time creating more wonderful resource states to share and develop. You can then just swap pairs and spend time with more people doing this, or you can continue to expand the group and shared sense of joining resources until the entire group is experiencing the same thing altogether... It is a lovely thing to do for all manner of reasons!
Step Seven: Whether you remain in a pair or a big group sharing the resources, have a go at testing what you've done.
Get some feedback and explore what the shared resource was like for those involved.
You see as well as developing resources, what this exercise is really about, is enhancing your ability to empathise, develop rapport, be intuitive and create a connection with others... Just like the things that occur naturally when people have been married for a number of years as I mentioned at the beginning.
Mind Mapping to the Max With iMindMap 4
With iMindMap, you are all set to experience the finest mind mapping! With so many features in one, it increases the user's productivity and boosts confidence. All its features are easy to use and help you to effortlessly transform your thoughts into visual mind maps.
Don't just keep your mind maps to yourself, but share them around! Also put them to your web pages in SVG formats, which is possible by making use of the Export option. Import a wide range of files like spreadsheets, word documents, images, audio clips, video files etcetera with the Import option of iMindMap. The Full Office Integration makes everything quick and trouble-free!
Another great way of sharing dynamic mind maps created with iMindMap, besides the Export option, is through the special feature of Screen Capture. Now capture screenshots of your mind maps and show them to everyone you want! Why not use Screen Capture for professional use? Bring it in best use and add mind maps to enhance your projects by adding them as graphic files. It all depends on your needs and how you choose to use iMindMap. This feature comes in iMindMap Professional, Ultimate and Ultimate Plus.
The exciting ride does not stop there! iMindMap has a lot to offer! Its other features include its huge Image library.
The Image Library has a huge collection of graphics, animation clips and lots more! Select what best fits your branch and attach images to it. In addition to the Image Library, iMindMap also provides an Icon library full of icons and symbols in different themes. Choose from the wide range of options given by the Image and Icon Library and turn boring, dull mind maps into striking ones! In case you do not find any of these appropriate of your mind map, go ahead and sketch a new one for yourself by using the Sketch Tool. Design an image as per your requirements and add it to your map.
With iMindMap, don't just make beautiful, vibrant maps on your screen, but get a hard copy of all your branches using Intelligent Printing option. The list of special features goes on. Like the e-Learning Course Builder which is an excellent tool for educators. You can also use the Tablet and Interactive Whiteboard feature which allows freehand drawing, to explain concepts to your students more easily during lectures and teach in a fun way. You can also use it for sketching purpose or to make your presentations more attractive. So iMindMap can be used in a variety of ways and how you want to use it is your decision.
With iMindMap and all its features, you are sure to go through your best mind mapping experience yet
Don't just keep your mind maps to yourself, but share them around! Also put them to your web pages in SVG formats, which is possible by making use of the Export option. Import a wide range of files like spreadsheets, word documents, images, audio clips, video files etcetera with the Import option of iMindMap. The Full Office Integration makes everything quick and trouble-free!
Another great way of sharing dynamic mind maps created with iMindMap, besides the Export option, is through the special feature of Screen Capture. Now capture screenshots of your mind maps and show them to everyone you want! Why not use Screen Capture for professional use? Bring it in best use and add mind maps to enhance your projects by adding them as graphic files. It all depends on your needs and how you choose to use iMindMap. This feature comes in iMindMap Professional, Ultimate and Ultimate Plus.
The exciting ride does not stop there! iMindMap has a lot to offer! Its other features include its huge Image library.
The Image Library has a huge collection of graphics, animation clips and lots more! Select what best fits your branch and attach images to it. In addition to the Image Library, iMindMap also provides an Icon library full of icons and symbols in different themes. Choose from the wide range of options given by the Image and Icon Library and turn boring, dull mind maps into striking ones! In case you do not find any of these appropriate of your mind map, go ahead and sketch a new one for yourself by using the Sketch Tool. Design an image as per your requirements and add it to your map.
With iMindMap, don't just make beautiful, vibrant maps on your screen, but get a hard copy of all your branches using Intelligent Printing option. The list of special features goes on. Like the e-Learning Course Builder which is an excellent tool for educators. You can also use the Tablet and Interactive Whiteboard feature which allows freehand drawing, to explain concepts to your students more easily during lectures and teach in a fun way. You can also use it for sketching purpose or to make your presentations more attractive. So iMindMap can be used in a variety of ways and how you want to use it is your decision.
With iMindMap and all its features, you are sure to go through your best mind mapping experience yet
Five Ways to Improve Your Memory
Do you forget things?
It is highly common that we forget where we set down the car keys when we got home last night, or who we talked to last week and what about.
What happens when the span of your memory gets shorter and shorter?
Here are some mental exercises that are key to maintaining a good memory:
1. Use all of your senses as much as possible. All of the following techniques help to keep your mind active.
* Sight - Include a lot of colors in your life. Do this by adding color to your desk, to your home or anywhere else you might be the majority of your time.
* Hearing - Listen to music or a calming type of noise at least once a day (the noise will typically also help to de-stress).
* Smell - If it is a good smell, or a bad smell, any smell stimulates you mind and pairs it with what the smell is. When you walk outside and someone has just mowed their lawn, you associate the smell outside with freshly cut grass without seeing that the grass is cut. Such smells help to improve memory.
* Taste - This will not be too difficult, as that we eat daily. But, to enhance your taste, try new foods to challenge your mind as to what the new foods taste like, or if you like them.
* Touch - Texture, smoothness and having to feel something by the sense of touch helps with your mind. Touching a starfish for the first time will cause your mind to link the feel of the fish to something simpler in your mind that you are used to.
2. Challenge yourself to participate in memory games that challenge and strengthen your mind.
* Play a Picture Memory game. Having to remember one photo to match with another stimulates your mind and enhances your short term memory.
* Do a Sudoku Puzzle.
* Play any other game that makes your brain think and process complex thoughts.
3. Manage Your Stress
* Read our article on beating out the stress. Being able to manage your stress can greatly reduce the effect it has on your memory.
4. Get Enough Sleep
* Getting enough sleep will allow your brain to function every day at its best.
* Getting enough sleep will also help with any weight loss you might be trying to achieve and not to mention, help with stress levels and allow for more energy.
5. Exercise Once in Awhile
* Exercising helps to get higher levels of oxygen to the brain and increases your levels of endorphins. Both oxygen and endorphins have been proven to help with brain function and to strengthen a persons memory.
It is highly common that we forget where we set down the car keys when we got home last night, or who we talked to last week and what about.
What happens when the span of your memory gets shorter and shorter?
Here are some mental exercises that are key to maintaining a good memory:
1. Use all of your senses as much as possible. All of the following techniques help to keep your mind active.
* Sight - Include a lot of colors in your life. Do this by adding color to your desk, to your home or anywhere else you might be the majority of your time.
* Hearing - Listen to music or a calming type of noise at least once a day (the noise will typically also help to de-stress).
* Smell - If it is a good smell, or a bad smell, any smell stimulates you mind and pairs it with what the smell is. When you walk outside and someone has just mowed their lawn, you associate the smell outside with freshly cut grass without seeing that the grass is cut. Such smells help to improve memory.
* Taste - This will not be too difficult, as that we eat daily. But, to enhance your taste, try new foods to challenge your mind as to what the new foods taste like, or if you like them.
* Touch - Texture, smoothness and having to feel something by the sense of touch helps with your mind. Touching a starfish for the first time will cause your mind to link the feel of the fish to something simpler in your mind that you are used to.
2. Challenge yourself to participate in memory games that challenge and strengthen your mind.
* Play a Picture Memory game. Having to remember one photo to match with another stimulates your mind and enhances your short term memory.
* Do a Sudoku Puzzle.
* Play any other game that makes your brain think and process complex thoughts.
3. Manage Your Stress
* Read our article on beating out the stress. Being able to manage your stress can greatly reduce the effect it has on your memory.
4. Get Enough Sleep
* Getting enough sleep will allow your brain to function every day at its best.
* Getting enough sleep will also help with any weight loss you might be trying to achieve and not to mention, help with stress levels and allow for more energy.
5. Exercise Once in Awhile
* Exercising helps to get higher levels of oxygen to the brain and increases your levels of endorphins. Both oxygen and endorphins have been proven to help with brain function and to strengthen a persons memory.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) What is it in Plain Language? What Does it Do?
The cutting edge processes of NLP effectively help you work towards optimization of:
1. How you think on a conscious and subconscious level (Neuro),
2. How you communicate with others and yourself (Linguistic), and
3. Your patterns of action, beliefs and emotions (Programming)
How it Started:
Back in the mid seventies, at the University of California at Santa Cruz, Richad Bandler and John Grinder researched certain practitioners within the field of personal development who created significant results with their clients. These practitioners included renowned hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson, Virgina Satir, who shifted the paradigm family therapy, and Fritz Perls, who founded Gestalt Therapy. With this strong foundation, and other fine contributors to follow, the collection of methods evolved into the effective set of tools known as NLP now offered by practitioners and trainers.
What is NLP?
There is a story from India where a group of blind men each touch an elephant to describe it. Each one touches different parts, and they talk amongst themselves as to what they experienced. Like the elephant, NLP is a subject that has many aspects. Each one is fascinating in and of itself. As with any study, going further into each facet of this body of knowledge and actually experiencing it creates an entirely new dimension of understanding.
There are at least thirteen major focuses of learning involved at the Practitioner level alone. These include:
1. Principles for Goal Setting (This includes understanding your own values and way of viewing and interacting with the world)
2. Rapport - on physical, mental and subconscious levels
3. Understanding and working with "Anchors" on different levels and sensory experiences. (Example: The smell of bread and the feelings you create within upon experiencing the aroma)
4. Working with the way we code our thoughts inside our mind. (When you think of a time when you felt ecstatic, "where" is that thought? Is it in color or black and white? etc)
5. Using language skillfully. Special questions to get to the truth behind others' words, and your own internal dialog!
6. How to find out what motivates someone from a subconscious level
7. How to find out how people learn, and dramatically improve the learning abilities of "learning challenged" children and adults.
8. Objection handling in sales
9. The 5 Step NLP Sales Process (includes some of the above)
10. Subconscious Parts Integration
11. Removing past negative emotions and limiting decisions
12. "Installing" a goal in your future.
13. Learning hypnotic induction and hypnotic language
With this set of tools, a practitioner observes the behaviors of the client to ascertain which tools would best help them reach their desired outcome. Use of NLP assumes the client's motivation and willingness to work towards their goal. And as you must already know, the first step is to accept responsibility (read "response-ability," not "blame") for one's circumstances.
What does NLP do?
Put simply, NLP helps you unleash your own natural brilliance. It is a result oriented "technology" that can clarify and help you take control of your conscious and unconscious thought. Imagine clearing up the past "baggage" and starting fresh, able to more easily live in the Now?
For many, the purpose of studying NLP or having a personal coach/practitioner certified in NLP is to provide you with more behavioral and emotional choices to enhance your success in all areas of your life. These areas include personal development, enhancement of creativity, intuition and psychic ability, improved performance, sharpening of communication skills, success in business/career, and accelerated learning.
This is such an exciting field of study, as it is diverse and covers so many aspects of behavior and subconscious connection. There are a wealth of significantly effective tools within NLP that most therapeutic (or sales) practices as well as sports and academic accomplishment may be taken to a new quantum level of results and fulfillment for the client and the practitioner.
Would you like to learn more? I look forward to hearing from you!
1. How you think on a conscious and subconscious level (Neuro),
2. How you communicate with others and yourself (Linguistic), and
3. Your patterns of action, beliefs and emotions (Programming)
How it Started:
Back in the mid seventies, at the University of California at Santa Cruz, Richad Bandler and John Grinder researched certain practitioners within the field of personal development who created significant results with their clients. These practitioners included renowned hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson, Virgina Satir, who shifted the paradigm family therapy, and Fritz Perls, who founded Gestalt Therapy. With this strong foundation, and other fine contributors to follow, the collection of methods evolved into the effective set of tools known as NLP now offered by practitioners and trainers.
What is NLP?
There is a story from India where a group of blind men each touch an elephant to describe it. Each one touches different parts, and they talk amongst themselves as to what they experienced. Like the elephant, NLP is a subject that has many aspects. Each one is fascinating in and of itself. As with any study, going further into each facet of this body of knowledge and actually experiencing it creates an entirely new dimension of understanding.
There are at least thirteen major focuses of learning involved at the Practitioner level alone. These include:
1. Principles for Goal Setting (This includes understanding your own values and way of viewing and interacting with the world)
2. Rapport - on physical, mental and subconscious levels
3. Understanding and working with "Anchors" on different levels and sensory experiences. (Example: The smell of bread and the feelings you create within upon experiencing the aroma)
4. Working with the way we code our thoughts inside our mind. (When you think of a time when you felt ecstatic, "where" is that thought? Is it in color or black and white? etc)
5. Using language skillfully. Special questions to get to the truth behind others' words, and your own internal dialog!
6. How to find out what motivates someone from a subconscious level
7. How to find out how people learn, and dramatically improve the learning abilities of "learning challenged" children and adults.
8. Objection handling in sales
9. The 5 Step NLP Sales Process (includes some of the above)
10. Subconscious Parts Integration
11. Removing past negative emotions and limiting decisions
12. "Installing" a goal in your future.
13. Learning hypnotic induction and hypnotic language
With this set of tools, a practitioner observes the behaviors of the client to ascertain which tools would best help them reach their desired outcome. Use of NLP assumes the client's motivation and willingness to work towards their goal. And as you must already know, the first step is to accept responsibility (read "response-ability," not "blame") for one's circumstances.
What does NLP do?
Put simply, NLP helps you unleash your own natural brilliance. It is a result oriented "technology" that can clarify and help you take control of your conscious and unconscious thought. Imagine clearing up the past "baggage" and starting fresh, able to more easily live in the Now?
For many, the purpose of studying NLP or having a personal coach/practitioner certified in NLP is to provide you with more behavioral and emotional choices to enhance your success in all areas of your life. These areas include personal development, enhancement of creativity, intuition and psychic ability, improved performance, sharpening of communication skills, success in business/career, and accelerated learning.
This is such an exciting field of study, as it is diverse and covers so many aspects of behavior and subconscious connection. There are a wealth of significantly effective tools within NLP that most therapeutic (or sales) practices as well as sports and academic accomplishment may be taken to a new quantum level of results and fulfillment for the client and the practitioner.
Would you like to learn more? I look forward to hearing from you!
The Importance of Goals in a Down Economy
Every time we turn on the television or the radio, we are inundated with gloom and doom about the economy. I, personally, have found it a struggle not to get caught up in all the hype. Unfortunately, I have seen the effects of the economy in my own life, but, we just cannot keep letting this get us down. One way to help defend ourselves against this constant bombardment is to focus on the future instead of the past. Someone once said "If you are driving a car and all you do is look in the rear view mirror, eventually you are going to crash." When put that way, it really makes a lot of sense. All of America, and even the world, is so focused on what they have lost, they keep forgetting there is a very bright future there for all of us to enjoy. There is so much we can do, we just have to let go of the past and focus on the future.
How do you do this? Set your financial goals. Make sure you write them all down and create them based on your own core personal values.
Some things you will want to keep in mind when you are setting those goals:
· Attainable. Make sure they are within reach. It's okay to reach for the stars, but create baby steps first.
· Measurable. This way you know when you have achieved it. You want to make sure you get that sense of accomplishment when you are done.
· Realistic. Don't set yourself up for failure. You will know in your heart what is realistic for you and your family. Follow your heart.
· Specific. State exactly what you want, how you are going to do it and when you want to achieve it by. You want it to be crystal clear!
· Trackable. Use hard numbers, this way you can see your progress...and celebrate when you achieve your goal. Take time to bask in the lime light. You deserve it!
The best part is you can do this for yourself, with your significant other, or as a family. Let's get our eyes on the road ahead instead of the rear view mirror.
Mompreneur Kristi LeGue is a Certified Public Accountant and the mother of three young boys. She has owned Kristi LeGue, CPA a public accounting firm for over five and a half years. As a Certified QuickBooks ProAdvisor, Kristi helps you understand your financial situation, clean it up and move forward financially stress free. Using a combination of compassion, expertise and a vision, Kristi not only partners with her clients to build a powerful financial foundation, but she also assists them in creating their own financial empires. Kristi truly believes that if you want to take your business to the next level, you need to have a Certified Public Accountant on your side that is not just interested in tax law, but someone who is compassionate, caring and a visionary leader.
How do you do this? Set your financial goals. Make sure you write them all down and create them based on your own core personal values.
Some things you will want to keep in mind when you are setting those goals:
· Attainable. Make sure they are within reach. It's okay to reach for the stars, but create baby steps first.
· Measurable. This way you know when you have achieved it. You want to make sure you get that sense of accomplishment when you are done.
· Realistic. Don't set yourself up for failure. You will know in your heart what is realistic for you and your family. Follow your heart.
· Specific. State exactly what you want, how you are going to do it and when you want to achieve it by. You want it to be crystal clear!
· Trackable. Use hard numbers, this way you can see your progress...and celebrate when you achieve your goal. Take time to bask in the lime light. You deserve it!
The best part is you can do this for yourself, with your significant other, or as a family. Let's get our eyes on the road ahead instead of the rear view mirror.
Mompreneur Kristi LeGue is a Certified Public Accountant and the mother of three young boys. She has owned Kristi LeGue, CPA a public accounting firm for over five and a half years. As a Certified QuickBooks ProAdvisor, Kristi helps you understand your financial situation, clean it up and move forward financially stress free. Using a combination of compassion, expertise and a vision, Kristi not only partners with her clients to build a powerful financial foundation, but she also assists them in creating their own financial empires. Kristi truly believes that if you want to take your business to the next level, you need to have a Certified Public Accountant on your side that is not just interested in tax law, but someone who is compassionate, caring and a visionary leader.
Your Creative Self
When many of us think of art, they think of the aesthetic quality it offers the world. They think of paintings hanging in hallways and sculptures at the entrances of buildings. But, many of us know the deeper meaning there is to art. The buildings themselves are works of art just as art can be found just about anywhere. Heartwarming songs, beautiful dances, even remodeled classics are all works of art. So, what do we learn from art in all of its various forms? We learn that one of its most powerful benefits is its ability to increase our creativity.
When you work with art in any form, it's like another part of your brain starts to stir awake. Images start to race across your mind. Different ideas start to form jump starting your imagination and making your creative juices really flow. The perspective you have on the world around you becomes more intense and insightful with each new thing you see and each new thought you receive. That's the spirit of creativity. Where once you didn't even notice what you saw, now you are looking at the world with different eyes, eyes that observe the artistic quality of every image and scene your mind can comprehend.
We learn art in a cumulative fashion. It starts with learning the basics and it becomes more advanced the more you learn. Learning to draw, you learn how lines, angles and curves work together to form objects. As your passion grows with each new scene you want to draw, you learn more about the relationships of objects and how the lines, angles and curves work together to create complete works of art. Seeing how relationships work, your creative juices become even more intrigued about the world and how everything fits in it.
As the value of art and the meaning it brings to the artist merges more and more, an increasingly heightened perspective takes your abilities to a whole new level. You are looking at the world with fresh eyes that feel like they are seeing everything for the first time. You are imagining a finished work of art while still staring at a blank canvas. And your creativity has a motivation and growth of its own.
Once the process of becoming an artist begins, it is practically automatic. It works its way into your sleep. It works its way into your daily life even while you are doing menial tasks, you are still thinking in new artistic terms. Once you've jump started the creative side of your brain, it won't stop and you won't want it to stop. That's the beauty of art.
When you work with art in any form, it's like another part of your brain starts to stir awake. Images start to race across your mind. Different ideas start to form jump starting your imagination and making your creative juices really flow. The perspective you have on the world around you becomes more intense and insightful with each new thing you see and each new thought you receive. That's the spirit of creativity. Where once you didn't even notice what you saw, now you are looking at the world with different eyes, eyes that observe the artistic quality of every image and scene your mind can comprehend.
We learn art in a cumulative fashion. It starts with learning the basics and it becomes more advanced the more you learn. Learning to draw, you learn how lines, angles and curves work together to form objects. As your passion grows with each new scene you want to draw, you learn more about the relationships of objects and how the lines, angles and curves work together to create complete works of art. Seeing how relationships work, your creative juices become even more intrigued about the world and how everything fits in it.
As the value of art and the meaning it brings to the artist merges more and more, an increasingly heightened perspective takes your abilities to a whole new level. You are looking at the world with fresh eyes that feel like they are seeing everything for the first time. You are imagining a finished work of art while still staring at a blank canvas. And your creativity has a motivation and growth of its own.
Once the process of becoming an artist begins, it is practically automatic. It works its way into your sleep. It works its way into your daily life even while you are doing menial tasks, you are still thinking in new artistic terms. Once you've jump started the creative side of your brain, it won't stop and you won't want it to stop. That's the beauty of art.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Enjoying Everyday Life, Lessons in Awakening
I have a friend, a distant friend, named Bob (not his real name). I call him distant because, although we lived very near each other for a while, we were never real close. Most of that was my fault. I am not the kind of person that opens up to others. I think I am, but have been told enough times that I am not, that I know I am not. Bob taught me the art of enjoying everyday life. I want to tell you, in a couple of stories the awakenings that Bob brought.
The first of these awakenings is that people will give.
I have always been a geek, loving techie things, but I am also very tight-fisted with my money. I never seem to be able to let go of coin of the realm for my enjoyment. I would rather suffer and then piss and moan.
CD players had not been on the market for very long, yes, I know that was a thousand years ago, and I wanted one bad! I would not spend the money for one, but I wanted one. I like music and my wife is a music addict. We had a dual cassette player that would play one cassette tape after the other, but it broke. Why, after only being played continually for ten years the thing would shut down and refuse to work anymore is beyond me. I moaned to Bob and he encouraged me to go out and buy a CD player. Oh no! Spend money! Maybe next year. We could hum after all.
On night, while the family sat eating dinner, I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and there stood Bob. He had his old CD player in his hands and he shoved it into mine. He told he me just bought a new one and this one was now mine. I offered him money which he refused and walked away.
Enjoying everyday life for our house was having music and now we had it again! I don't even remember finishing my meal. We soon had a CD player hooked up and could play our CD. Yes, we only had one and now I had to go buy more. Letting go of money again!
The next lesson in awakenings was something much larger.
When we first met, my wife and I, who was then just my girlfriend, spent two weeks hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountain range, in California. We loved to camp. When our kids came along, we tried a few tent excursions, but it was hard with three small children.
One evening, we were notified of Bob's presence in our driveway by the sound of his very large pick-up truck pulling in. Bob and his wife didn't use it often, mostly to go camping. It had the biggest camper on the back that I had ever seen.
They got out of the truck walked up to us and handed us the title. They told us that they were selling it to us for the ungodly cheap sum of eight or five hundred dollars, I don't remember which. They said it was ours (it was already signed over) and we could pay as and when we could.
We were absolutely dumb-struck! We had never even talked about this. They decided that this was just what we needed to take our kids camping. It was. For several years, until we outgrew it and the truck started to rust away, we used that camper. All our kids talk fondly about their memories of that old truck and camper.
I wish I could say that Bob taught me well enough that I continued my lessons in awakenings and enjoying everyday life, but I am still too tight-fisted and have to be reminded now and then to let go and have fun. I will say that Bob's lessons did help.
As we go through life, we can either piss and moan, as I am wont to do, or we can be open to it, like my friend. Life is a banquet, a journey. If we open to it and enjoy it, then we are much happier. If we think we have to "get somewhere" or "achieve something" we may do those things, but we may miss all the stuff along the way.
My next post will be about another lesson in awakenings that Bob gave me in enjoying everyday life. It was more that these two combined and it was one of the best times my wife and I have ever had. It was a dream come true.
The first of these awakenings is that people will give.
I have always been a geek, loving techie things, but I am also very tight-fisted with my money. I never seem to be able to let go of coin of the realm for my enjoyment. I would rather suffer and then piss and moan.
CD players had not been on the market for very long, yes, I know that was a thousand years ago, and I wanted one bad! I would not spend the money for one, but I wanted one. I like music and my wife is a music addict. We had a dual cassette player that would play one cassette tape after the other, but it broke. Why, after only being played continually for ten years the thing would shut down and refuse to work anymore is beyond me. I moaned to Bob and he encouraged me to go out and buy a CD player. Oh no! Spend money! Maybe next year. We could hum after all.
On night, while the family sat eating dinner, I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and there stood Bob. He had his old CD player in his hands and he shoved it into mine. He told he me just bought a new one and this one was now mine. I offered him money which he refused and walked away.
Enjoying everyday life for our house was having music and now we had it again! I don't even remember finishing my meal. We soon had a CD player hooked up and could play our CD. Yes, we only had one and now I had to go buy more. Letting go of money again!
The next lesson in awakenings was something much larger.
When we first met, my wife and I, who was then just my girlfriend, spent two weeks hiking in the Sierra Nevada mountain range, in California. We loved to camp. When our kids came along, we tried a few tent excursions, but it was hard with three small children.
One evening, we were notified of Bob's presence in our driveway by the sound of his very large pick-up truck pulling in. Bob and his wife didn't use it often, mostly to go camping. It had the biggest camper on the back that I had ever seen.
They got out of the truck walked up to us and handed us the title. They told us that they were selling it to us for the ungodly cheap sum of eight or five hundred dollars, I don't remember which. They said it was ours (it was already signed over) and we could pay as and when we could.
We were absolutely dumb-struck! We had never even talked about this. They decided that this was just what we needed to take our kids camping. It was. For several years, until we outgrew it and the truck started to rust away, we used that camper. All our kids talk fondly about their memories of that old truck and camper.
I wish I could say that Bob taught me well enough that I continued my lessons in awakenings and enjoying everyday life, but I am still too tight-fisted and have to be reminded now and then to let go and have fun. I will say that Bob's lessons did help.
As we go through life, we can either piss and moan, as I am wont to do, or we can be open to it, like my friend. Life is a banquet, a journey. If we open to it and enjoy it, then we are much happier. If we think we have to "get somewhere" or "achieve something" we may do those things, but we may miss all the stuff along the way.
My next post will be about another lesson in awakenings that Bob gave me in enjoying everyday life. It was more that these two combined and it was one of the best times my wife and I have ever had. It was a dream come true.
Suppressed Anger
People who are suffering the pain of internal pressure, tension and stress are not as productive as they need to be. Coping with these unseen, often unconscious problems takes energy that they could be put to more productive use. They waste their energy in futile wrangling over minutiae, personality clashes, sulking in the corner, and looking out the window. We say that they are "preoccupied," but we do not know what they are preoccupied with. Neither do they. They are preoccupied with solving painful problems that they do not know how to solve.
We are not taught in school how to identify the presence of internal stress. We never learn where it comes from nor how to relieve it in the right way. We spend our lives "relieving" it in ways that make it worse. When we finally burst a blood vessel, they will nod sadly and say, "It was the stress." Yes. But which stress?
Our doctor will solve the problem by saying, "You've got too much stress. Quit your job." Or he will put us on pills that will numb us to the inner conflicts that are tearing us in half. It would be far more useful to identify these sources of our inner stress as a first step toward making them go away.
Source Number One: Negative Control
We are in control all right. We run a tight ship. We don't miss a thing. However, after we are taken to the hospital, we will miss quite a bit. There is an irony here, that the very things we are trying to prevent, such as loss of control, turn out to be our fate in the end.
• If we do not know how to control in the right way, we will control in the wrong way by default.
• If we don't know what to control, we will control the wrong things and fail to control the right things.
• If we don't know who is controlling, if we are only playing a role opposite someone else's role, nobody will be in control. A mere role that we play according to a script from the past cannot control situations effectively in the present.
• If we don't know what control is, we will make up our own definition of control that will not match up with the demands of the real world. In a contest between ourselves and reality, reality will win every time.
The Wrong Way
Internal stress comes from having the wrong definition of "control," a definition many of us have learned from our parents when we were three. We have not reassessed our definition since then: To us, control means "preventing bad things from happening." This definition, or more correctly, this attitude toward control, breeds endless stress because:
• It requires us to know what is going to happen before it happens.
• It requires us to solve the problem before it arises.
• It requires that we prevent the disaster perfectly. Nothing less will do.
• It sets us up to feel inadequate to cope with life because we cannot possibly fulfill the absurd requirements of this attitude.
• It sets us up for more disaster, not less because while we are trying to live in the future, we are neglecting our appropriate responsibilities in the present.
• When the "disaster" happens, we blame ourselves for "failing" to prevent it: "I should have seen it coming."
• We blame ourselves for "failing" to know what the other person was thinking and planning to do to us: "I should have known."
When we try to live in the future, when we try to "head it off at the pass," we cannot be in real control. We can only be out of control because our basis of control is not congruent with the real world. We live in fear of impending disaster in the future. This is one of the main sources of anxiety in our lives. It is very stressful indeed.
Suppressing our anger is another example. This is not "control," either. We are merely "stuffing" it for fear of the consequences of letting it out. We learned as a child that expressing anger was followed by severe consequences. "Stuffing it" now is an example of preventing "disaster" (punishment, victimization, rejection, displeasing, abandonment) in the future. We have never forgotten that lesson. It became our blueprint for "coping" with out of control situations in later life. These lessons once learned, can be unlearned if we know how.
The Right Way To Control
A better definition of control is "the feeling that one is making things happen on one's own terms in the present." The antidote to feeling out of control is the feeling that one is in control, not of others, or of life, but of oneself on an appropriate basis. If we want to experience positive control, we must make it happen. The next time we are angry, for example, we can relieve our frustration by reminding ourselves that we have a choice now that we did not have as children - to control it the wrong way, by a) "losing it," erupting like a volcano, or by b) suppressing it. Or, we can express it the right way. As adults, we can now choose to express our anger in the middle ground between the two extremes: We can tell the truth about it. We can choose to say, "You know, it really makes me angry when you do that!" We have just made that happen, on our terms, at a time and place of our choosing. That is control. That is appropriate responsibility for relieving the pain of our anger in a way that works. We get it out of our system. We do not add another lump to the pile that is making us sick inside.
If we are angry at someone who is not around for one reason or another, all is not lost. We still have our power of choice. We can choose to write our anger out of our system with an anger letter to the offender, past or present. We are making the letter happen right now. We are using the word "angry," not some childhood euphemism. It is not for the offender's benefit at all. It is for our own. It will give us relief that the old way of "expressing" it never did. We call this positive method of control, "managing anger."
Courage
It takes courage to manage our feelings and emotions in this new way. It is hard to have courage when we have been discouraged for so long. We need to replace our discouragement with encouragement. Courage is the willingness to take a risk. We are unwilling to risk doing something for the first time. We might fail, or someone might laugh at us for trying. Our lifelong agenda has not been to relieve our pain, it has been to prevent disaster, such as humiliation in the eyes of others. This unconscious agenda is an example of:
• living on other people's terms, not our own.
• living in the future. We cannot have courage in the future. We can only have it in the present, right now.
When we have the courage to call our anger by its rightful name, to risk the consequences of revealing our secret feeling even to ourselves in an anger letter, we strike a blow for freedom. We are liberating ourselves from a lifetime of inappropriate, hobbling feelings and attitudes that we didn't even know were there. The irony here is that we do not realize they were down there controlling us until they are gone!
One impediment to having courage is the feeling that we are inferior, we are not worth our taking a risk for. That is not reality, it is only a feeling, an attitude about ourselves. The truth is that, as a worthwhile human being, we are worth the risk, no more and no less than anyone else.
Source Number Two: I Can't Trust My Judgment
On the basis of our new definition of control, we are free to take the ups and downs of life as they come and do the best we can with it. We have stopped reacting out of inappropriate fears and attitudes e.g., "Life is just one disaster after another, it's only a matter of time," and instead, we are trusting our adult judgment to make appropriate decisions as occasions arise. As children, many of us learned not to trust our judgment: "It wasn't good enough." Well, it wasn't very good back then, was it? The problem is that our judgement has gotten much better but this attitude towards our judgment hasn't grown up with us - it is still back down there interfering with our judgment in the present. Some of us can make ten good decisions in a row, but our old doubt about our judgment will rise up and sabotage the next one. It is as if we were telling ourselves something like, "If I think it's A, it must be B!" So we override our first choice and pull the plug on ourselves. We were right the first time. We have shot ourselves in the foot. This conflict between wanting to trust our judgment and our fear of making the wrong one is very stressful.
Here, the major impediment is often perfectionism. Our attitude is: "The only way to avoid making the "wrong" judgment is to be sure that my judgment is perfect! Anything less than perfect might be wrong. So I'd better not make any judgment at all." We decide not to decide. We become paralyzed. Very stressful indeed.
When the crunch comes, we react to the pressure and operate out of attitudes from the past - fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of loss, and we come up with a non-rational "solution" that makes everything worse. We "confirm" our attitude that our judgment cannot be trusted. It still isn't good enough.
The Antidote To Distrusting Our Judgment
Some antidotes to distrusting our judgment would be to:
• give ourselves credit for making successful judgments in the past. We can build on our past successes. We are quick to criticize our lapses, but very slow to validate our legitimate successes. If we don't validate them at the time, we cannot build on them later. We can say, "I did that. It needed to be done and I made it happen." That is not "smug self satisfaction," that is our appropriate responsibility for repairing the discouragement of the past.
• replace our perfectionistic attitude with a more realistic one, such as "My judgment doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be good enough to get the job done. I am required to be competent at my task, and that is what I am."
• remind ourselves that an imperfect judgment, in most cases, is not the end of the world. That feeling is called anxiety, and it makes our judgment worse, not better. Instead, we can say to ourselves, "If I make an imperfect judgment on Tuesday, I can make a better one on Wednesday based on additional information and experience. I am a worthwhile human being in the meantime."
• remind ourselves that, "If I make an imperfect judgment, it is not a "failure." I can learn from it and not make it again."
• remind ourselves that, "If the organization loses some money due to a mistake in judgment, it is regrettable. It is the price they pay for having imperfect human beings in their employ. It is the price of our on the job training in how to make imperfect judgments in an imperfect world."
Source #3: "I Am Frustrated"
Frustration is a major cause of internal and external stress. The frustration may arise from external sources, such as a perfectionistic boss, or an irresponsible subordinate. External sources of frustration are visible to the naked eye - the sources of inner frustration are not. Frustration is an abstract concept. It does not show up on the x-ray directly, all we can see are the things that it has been doing to our insides for a very long time.
We need to define these abstract terms so that we can manipulate them as easily as we do our red hot sheets of steel in the rolling mill. We need to get a handle on these factors that are destroying our health just as bacteria used to do before Pasteur taught us to put the right label on them. Once he did that, an antidote could be found.
Frustration is:
• Anger ("This situation is causing me a grievance"), plus
• Powerless ("There is nothing I can do about it"), plus
• Out of Control ("The situation is controlling me. I cannot make anything happen!").
When we are angry and have the power to do something about it, we are not frustrated. We solve the problem. The anger goes away. We made something positive happen. Many times, however, we are angry, we try to do something about it and it fails. We wind up feeling frustrated. This is the emotion that causes employee burn out, executive heart attack, and "Type A personality" cardio-vascular "accident." But it wasn't really an accident, this individual worked at it. He did not do what he might have done to prolong his own life. It was not on his agenda. To relieve frustration, we must relieve all three components - anger, powerlessness and feeling out of control.
Let's take an example; Mack is angry at Mary Ann for losing his expense account. Every time Mary Ann looks up, Mack is glaring at her. It's unnerving. It makes her angry. She tells Evelyn, the Section Chief. Evelyn goes over to Mack and says, "Stop glaring at Mary Ann. It's unnerving," She goes back to her seat. She is angry at Mack, Mary Ann is angry at Mack, and Mack is angry at both of them.
Mary Ann looks up again. There is Mack glaring at her. That's frustration. She thought she had power on her side, and that it would resolve the problem. She sees now that she was mistaken. Nothing has changed. She is powerless. She goes back over and tells Evelyn. Now Evelyn is frustrated. She has been thwarted, her power and control have proven to be useless. She goes back to Mack and says, "Now stop it. I really mean it. You'll be sorry." This bluff and bluster does not seem to work, either. It didn't work the last time or the time before that. Mack is defeating them both in a power struggle over who can keep who from glaring at who. Mack is frustrated because his mismanaged anger is not solving the problem of his missing expense account.
These three people are all in pain. They are all pumping adrenaline which stimulates them to fight or flight. Unfortunately, they can do neither, which only compounds their frustration. They become super frustrated. Their hearts are beating too rapidly, their digestive systems have shut down, their energy is propelling them to actions which are forbidden by company policy, such as yelling and screaming, hitting, poking, punching and so on.
This situation has created an internal conflict between "letting it all out" and "keeping it all in!" They are going to remain in this morbid condition until Mary finally finds the expense account which has inadvertently been filed under "Bad Debts." Now they are all back in control of themselves, they are empowered to get on with their lives, and the grievances have been removed. The inner stress has been relieved.
But what if the source of the frustration is not so easily removed? What if Mary Ann had put in for a promotion but it was given to an employee with more seniority but less specialized experienced? Or Evelyn had submitted an idea for eliminating four unnecessary steps in processing vouchers but was turned down because her superior didn't think of it first? That is frustration, and it doesn't go away. It may become sealed over, like an oyster with a pearl, but it is down there causing "stress" just the same.
Coping With Frustration
Frustration arises when we have only one choice and it doesn't work, or two choices and neither of them work. Once again, the antidote is that we can free ourselves from these painful beartraps by giving ourselves a third choice. One complication is that, when it comes to relieving anger problems, our repertoire of responses is severely limited. We never learned at home or in school what our constructive choices are. All we have are these destructive choices of our own devising. But we are adults now. We can learn what our new choices are. This knowledge is empowering. As soon as we give ourselves an effective alternative, we will feel relief from the pain of this internal stressor.
Here are some choices that these three people could have made had they known that they were available. All of these choices come under the heading of an anger management technique called, "Telling The Truth." This is a difficult technique, which is why so few of us use it. Most of us have been using techniques that are easy. That is why they don't work. We cannot solve difficult problems with easy answers. It takes courage and maturity to do what is difficult. We strengthen our courage and maturity by doing what reality requires, not what we "think" it requires. Most of us do not even know that these hard choices are available to us. We have been told to pretend that we are not angry, we are just "upset," or "bothered." These words are not the truth. They are euphemisms for anger, and they do not give us the relief that we need. Also, they require no courage to express. Any fourth grader can express them.
Mack could have relieved his frustration by choosing to say to Mary Ann: "It makes me angry when you lose things that I give you." Mary Ann could have gone over to Mack and chosen to tell him the truth about herself, which she does have the right to do: "Mack, it makes me angry when you sit there and glare at me. It doesn't speed things up, it only slows me down. But, it's your choice. Just don't complain if it takes me longer to find your expense account."
Evelyn could have said, "Mack it makes me angry when you sit there glaring at Mary Ann when we have a 4:30 deadline to meet. There's work to be done. It's your choice, but if it isn't done, there will be a consequence in the morning. That's not a threat, that's the real world we live in."
Mack could have said, "Evelyn, it makes me angry when Mary Ann loses my things, and you don't do anything to improve her efficiency. She needs a better filing system."
Or, he could have chosen to "let it go." This is not suppressing or repressing, it is choosing to do what is appropriate in the reality situation. It relieves the internal stress.
Some of us are afraid to use the scary "A" word. It isn't "nice." Life gives us opportunities everyday to outgrow such childhood attitudes and replace them with more mature ones. Anger is unpleasant, but it is not a crime. We are not guilty, we are merely imperfect. Sometimes life requires us to stop being so "pleasing" and do that which is unpleasant. It is regrettable, but appropriate to the unpleasant situation at hand. It is up to us to use our judgment and make the right anger choice at the right time.
How Do These Choices Relieve Internal Stress?
We all know that "doing nothing" does not relieve stress. We also know that "doing the wrong thing" doesn't relieve stress. The third option is to do what reality requires us to do, no more and no less. We can use our judgment to tell us what reality requires, and we must have the courage to do what needs to be done - not for the other person, but for ourselves.
• We are not reacting or overreacting, we are making a considered choice.
• We are affirming ourself as a worthwhile human being in our own right.
• We are not building ourself up by tearing someone down.
• We are not letting them tear us down, either.
• We are making it happen at a time and place of our own choosing.
• We are not out of control, we are in control of ourselves.
• We are not powerless, we have the power of choice and the courage to carry it out.
• We are not using our anger to intimidate (control) another person. We are showing appropriate restraint.
• We are not living in the past or the future. We are living in the present.
• We are assuming appropriate responsibility, not too much or too little.
All of these good feelings are components of self-respect. When we make these new choices on an informed basis, not just because someone told us to, we have feelings of independence, security, equality, belonging to the human race and peace of mind. In other words, we have used a difficult anger problem as an opportunity to replace our self-doubt from the past with self-respect in the present.
• The more we succeed, the stronger we become in our new identity as a worthwhile human being.
•The more we respect ourselves, the more likely we are to earn the respect of our co-workers.
• The more we respect each other on a healthy basis, the less stress there will be, internal or external.
In this atmosphere of mutual respect, we will be more likely to cooperate with each other in getting the job done. We will be more productive, and we will enjoy it more.
http://angerclinic.com/
http://sites.google.com/site/aaronkarmin/home
Aaron Karmin MA, LCPC. Through Roosevelt University he holds an advanced certification in stress management which involves teaching six mind-body techniques which enhances relaxation. Aaron has worked at all levels of mental health care from inpatient to outpatient, private to community, not for profit to Fortune 500 executives. He is a highly effective guest lecturer, group therapy leader, and individual therapist who is able to discuss a variety of topics including: Anger Management, Leadership, Relaxation Techniques, Communication Skills, and Goal Setting Strategies. Aaron recognizes the need for flexibility and creativity to address the mind and body and uses solution-based instructions to promote a healthy lifestyle. His approach to anger management focuses on increasing frustration tolerance and impulse control by understanding triggers, identifying physical cues, recognizing thoughts, considering consequences, implementing solutions, choosing behaviors, and promoting expression. When individuals feel in control of their situations and their lives, their depression and anxiety are replaced with feelings of security, confidence, competence, identity, responsibility, belonging, and self-respect, which is the prerequisite for success at home and at work.
We are not taught in school how to identify the presence of internal stress. We never learn where it comes from nor how to relieve it in the right way. We spend our lives "relieving" it in ways that make it worse. When we finally burst a blood vessel, they will nod sadly and say, "It was the stress." Yes. But which stress?
Our doctor will solve the problem by saying, "You've got too much stress. Quit your job." Or he will put us on pills that will numb us to the inner conflicts that are tearing us in half. It would be far more useful to identify these sources of our inner stress as a first step toward making them go away.
Source Number One: Negative Control
We are in control all right. We run a tight ship. We don't miss a thing. However, after we are taken to the hospital, we will miss quite a bit. There is an irony here, that the very things we are trying to prevent, such as loss of control, turn out to be our fate in the end.
• If we do not know how to control in the right way, we will control in the wrong way by default.
• If we don't know what to control, we will control the wrong things and fail to control the right things.
• If we don't know who is controlling, if we are only playing a role opposite someone else's role, nobody will be in control. A mere role that we play according to a script from the past cannot control situations effectively in the present.
• If we don't know what control is, we will make up our own definition of control that will not match up with the demands of the real world. In a contest between ourselves and reality, reality will win every time.
The Wrong Way
Internal stress comes from having the wrong definition of "control," a definition many of us have learned from our parents when we were three. We have not reassessed our definition since then: To us, control means "preventing bad things from happening." This definition, or more correctly, this attitude toward control, breeds endless stress because:
• It requires us to know what is going to happen before it happens.
• It requires us to solve the problem before it arises.
• It requires that we prevent the disaster perfectly. Nothing less will do.
• It sets us up to feel inadequate to cope with life because we cannot possibly fulfill the absurd requirements of this attitude.
• It sets us up for more disaster, not less because while we are trying to live in the future, we are neglecting our appropriate responsibilities in the present.
• When the "disaster" happens, we blame ourselves for "failing" to prevent it: "I should have seen it coming."
• We blame ourselves for "failing" to know what the other person was thinking and planning to do to us: "I should have known."
When we try to live in the future, when we try to "head it off at the pass," we cannot be in real control. We can only be out of control because our basis of control is not congruent with the real world. We live in fear of impending disaster in the future. This is one of the main sources of anxiety in our lives. It is very stressful indeed.
Suppressing our anger is another example. This is not "control," either. We are merely "stuffing" it for fear of the consequences of letting it out. We learned as a child that expressing anger was followed by severe consequences. "Stuffing it" now is an example of preventing "disaster" (punishment, victimization, rejection, displeasing, abandonment) in the future. We have never forgotten that lesson. It became our blueprint for "coping" with out of control situations in later life. These lessons once learned, can be unlearned if we know how.
The Right Way To Control
A better definition of control is "the feeling that one is making things happen on one's own terms in the present." The antidote to feeling out of control is the feeling that one is in control, not of others, or of life, but of oneself on an appropriate basis. If we want to experience positive control, we must make it happen. The next time we are angry, for example, we can relieve our frustration by reminding ourselves that we have a choice now that we did not have as children - to control it the wrong way, by a) "losing it," erupting like a volcano, or by b) suppressing it. Or, we can express it the right way. As adults, we can now choose to express our anger in the middle ground between the two extremes: We can tell the truth about it. We can choose to say, "You know, it really makes me angry when you do that!" We have just made that happen, on our terms, at a time and place of our choosing. That is control. That is appropriate responsibility for relieving the pain of our anger in a way that works. We get it out of our system. We do not add another lump to the pile that is making us sick inside.
If we are angry at someone who is not around for one reason or another, all is not lost. We still have our power of choice. We can choose to write our anger out of our system with an anger letter to the offender, past or present. We are making the letter happen right now. We are using the word "angry," not some childhood euphemism. It is not for the offender's benefit at all. It is for our own. It will give us relief that the old way of "expressing" it never did. We call this positive method of control, "managing anger."
Courage
It takes courage to manage our feelings and emotions in this new way. It is hard to have courage when we have been discouraged for so long. We need to replace our discouragement with encouragement. Courage is the willingness to take a risk. We are unwilling to risk doing something for the first time. We might fail, or someone might laugh at us for trying. Our lifelong agenda has not been to relieve our pain, it has been to prevent disaster, such as humiliation in the eyes of others. This unconscious agenda is an example of:
• living on other people's terms, not our own.
• living in the future. We cannot have courage in the future. We can only have it in the present, right now.
When we have the courage to call our anger by its rightful name, to risk the consequences of revealing our secret feeling even to ourselves in an anger letter, we strike a blow for freedom. We are liberating ourselves from a lifetime of inappropriate, hobbling feelings and attitudes that we didn't even know were there. The irony here is that we do not realize they were down there controlling us until they are gone!
One impediment to having courage is the feeling that we are inferior, we are not worth our taking a risk for. That is not reality, it is only a feeling, an attitude about ourselves. The truth is that, as a worthwhile human being, we are worth the risk, no more and no less than anyone else.
Source Number Two: I Can't Trust My Judgment
On the basis of our new definition of control, we are free to take the ups and downs of life as they come and do the best we can with it. We have stopped reacting out of inappropriate fears and attitudes e.g., "Life is just one disaster after another, it's only a matter of time," and instead, we are trusting our adult judgment to make appropriate decisions as occasions arise. As children, many of us learned not to trust our judgment: "It wasn't good enough." Well, it wasn't very good back then, was it? The problem is that our judgement has gotten much better but this attitude towards our judgment hasn't grown up with us - it is still back down there interfering with our judgment in the present. Some of us can make ten good decisions in a row, but our old doubt about our judgment will rise up and sabotage the next one. It is as if we were telling ourselves something like, "If I think it's A, it must be B!" So we override our first choice and pull the plug on ourselves. We were right the first time. We have shot ourselves in the foot. This conflict between wanting to trust our judgment and our fear of making the wrong one is very stressful.
Here, the major impediment is often perfectionism. Our attitude is: "The only way to avoid making the "wrong" judgment is to be sure that my judgment is perfect! Anything less than perfect might be wrong. So I'd better not make any judgment at all." We decide not to decide. We become paralyzed. Very stressful indeed.
When the crunch comes, we react to the pressure and operate out of attitudes from the past - fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of loss, and we come up with a non-rational "solution" that makes everything worse. We "confirm" our attitude that our judgment cannot be trusted. It still isn't good enough.
The Antidote To Distrusting Our Judgment
Some antidotes to distrusting our judgment would be to:
• give ourselves credit for making successful judgments in the past. We can build on our past successes. We are quick to criticize our lapses, but very slow to validate our legitimate successes. If we don't validate them at the time, we cannot build on them later. We can say, "I did that. It needed to be done and I made it happen." That is not "smug self satisfaction," that is our appropriate responsibility for repairing the discouragement of the past.
• replace our perfectionistic attitude with a more realistic one, such as "My judgment doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be good enough to get the job done. I am required to be competent at my task, and that is what I am."
• remind ourselves that an imperfect judgment, in most cases, is not the end of the world. That feeling is called anxiety, and it makes our judgment worse, not better. Instead, we can say to ourselves, "If I make an imperfect judgment on Tuesday, I can make a better one on Wednesday based on additional information and experience. I am a worthwhile human being in the meantime."
• remind ourselves that, "If I make an imperfect judgment, it is not a "failure." I can learn from it and not make it again."
• remind ourselves that, "If the organization loses some money due to a mistake in judgment, it is regrettable. It is the price they pay for having imperfect human beings in their employ. It is the price of our on the job training in how to make imperfect judgments in an imperfect world."
Source #3: "I Am Frustrated"
Frustration is a major cause of internal and external stress. The frustration may arise from external sources, such as a perfectionistic boss, or an irresponsible subordinate. External sources of frustration are visible to the naked eye - the sources of inner frustration are not. Frustration is an abstract concept. It does not show up on the x-ray directly, all we can see are the things that it has been doing to our insides for a very long time.
We need to define these abstract terms so that we can manipulate them as easily as we do our red hot sheets of steel in the rolling mill. We need to get a handle on these factors that are destroying our health just as bacteria used to do before Pasteur taught us to put the right label on them. Once he did that, an antidote could be found.
Frustration is:
• Anger ("This situation is causing me a grievance"), plus
• Powerless ("There is nothing I can do about it"), plus
• Out of Control ("The situation is controlling me. I cannot make anything happen!").
When we are angry and have the power to do something about it, we are not frustrated. We solve the problem. The anger goes away. We made something positive happen. Many times, however, we are angry, we try to do something about it and it fails. We wind up feeling frustrated. This is the emotion that causes employee burn out, executive heart attack, and "Type A personality" cardio-vascular "accident." But it wasn't really an accident, this individual worked at it. He did not do what he might have done to prolong his own life. It was not on his agenda. To relieve frustration, we must relieve all three components - anger, powerlessness and feeling out of control.
Let's take an example; Mack is angry at Mary Ann for losing his expense account. Every time Mary Ann looks up, Mack is glaring at her. It's unnerving. It makes her angry. She tells Evelyn, the Section Chief. Evelyn goes over to Mack and says, "Stop glaring at Mary Ann. It's unnerving," She goes back to her seat. She is angry at Mack, Mary Ann is angry at Mack, and Mack is angry at both of them.
Mary Ann looks up again. There is Mack glaring at her. That's frustration. She thought she had power on her side, and that it would resolve the problem. She sees now that she was mistaken. Nothing has changed. She is powerless. She goes back over and tells Evelyn. Now Evelyn is frustrated. She has been thwarted, her power and control have proven to be useless. She goes back to Mack and says, "Now stop it. I really mean it. You'll be sorry." This bluff and bluster does not seem to work, either. It didn't work the last time or the time before that. Mack is defeating them both in a power struggle over who can keep who from glaring at who. Mack is frustrated because his mismanaged anger is not solving the problem of his missing expense account.
These three people are all in pain. They are all pumping adrenaline which stimulates them to fight or flight. Unfortunately, they can do neither, which only compounds their frustration. They become super frustrated. Their hearts are beating too rapidly, their digestive systems have shut down, their energy is propelling them to actions which are forbidden by company policy, such as yelling and screaming, hitting, poking, punching and so on.
This situation has created an internal conflict between "letting it all out" and "keeping it all in!" They are going to remain in this morbid condition until Mary finally finds the expense account which has inadvertently been filed under "Bad Debts." Now they are all back in control of themselves, they are empowered to get on with their lives, and the grievances have been removed. The inner stress has been relieved.
But what if the source of the frustration is not so easily removed? What if Mary Ann had put in for a promotion but it was given to an employee with more seniority but less specialized experienced? Or Evelyn had submitted an idea for eliminating four unnecessary steps in processing vouchers but was turned down because her superior didn't think of it first? That is frustration, and it doesn't go away. It may become sealed over, like an oyster with a pearl, but it is down there causing "stress" just the same.
Coping With Frustration
Frustration arises when we have only one choice and it doesn't work, or two choices and neither of them work. Once again, the antidote is that we can free ourselves from these painful beartraps by giving ourselves a third choice. One complication is that, when it comes to relieving anger problems, our repertoire of responses is severely limited. We never learned at home or in school what our constructive choices are. All we have are these destructive choices of our own devising. But we are adults now. We can learn what our new choices are. This knowledge is empowering. As soon as we give ourselves an effective alternative, we will feel relief from the pain of this internal stressor.
Here are some choices that these three people could have made had they known that they were available. All of these choices come under the heading of an anger management technique called, "Telling The Truth." This is a difficult technique, which is why so few of us use it. Most of us have been using techniques that are easy. That is why they don't work. We cannot solve difficult problems with easy answers. It takes courage and maturity to do what is difficult. We strengthen our courage and maturity by doing what reality requires, not what we "think" it requires. Most of us do not even know that these hard choices are available to us. We have been told to pretend that we are not angry, we are just "upset," or "bothered." These words are not the truth. They are euphemisms for anger, and they do not give us the relief that we need. Also, they require no courage to express. Any fourth grader can express them.
Mack could have relieved his frustration by choosing to say to Mary Ann: "It makes me angry when you lose things that I give you." Mary Ann could have gone over to Mack and chosen to tell him the truth about herself, which she does have the right to do: "Mack, it makes me angry when you sit there and glare at me. It doesn't speed things up, it only slows me down. But, it's your choice. Just don't complain if it takes me longer to find your expense account."
Evelyn could have said, "Mack it makes me angry when you sit there glaring at Mary Ann when we have a 4:30 deadline to meet. There's work to be done. It's your choice, but if it isn't done, there will be a consequence in the morning. That's not a threat, that's the real world we live in."
Mack could have said, "Evelyn, it makes me angry when Mary Ann loses my things, and you don't do anything to improve her efficiency. She needs a better filing system."
Or, he could have chosen to "let it go." This is not suppressing or repressing, it is choosing to do what is appropriate in the reality situation. It relieves the internal stress.
Some of us are afraid to use the scary "A" word. It isn't "nice." Life gives us opportunities everyday to outgrow such childhood attitudes and replace them with more mature ones. Anger is unpleasant, but it is not a crime. We are not guilty, we are merely imperfect. Sometimes life requires us to stop being so "pleasing" and do that which is unpleasant. It is regrettable, but appropriate to the unpleasant situation at hand. It is up to us to use our judgment and make the right anger choice at the right time.
How Do These Choices Relieve Internal Stress?
We all know that "doing nothing" does not relieve stress. We also know that "doing the wrong thing" doesn't relieve stress. The third option is to do what reality requires us to do, no more and no less. We can use our judgment to tell us what reality requires, and we must have the courage to do what needs to be done - not for the other person, but for ourselves.
• We are not reacting or overreacting, we are making a considered choice.
• We are affirming ourself as a worthwhile human being in our own right.
• We are not building ourself up by tearing someone down.
• We are not letting them tear us down, either.
• We are making it happen at a time and place of our own choosing.
• We are not out of control, we are in control of ourselves.
• We are not powerless, we have the power of choice and the courage to carry it out.
• We are not using our anger to intimidate (control) another person. We are showing appropriate restraint.
• We are not living in the past or the future. We are living in the present.
• We are assuming appropriate responsibility, not too much or too little.
All of these good feelings are components of self-respect. When we make these new choices on an informed basis, not just because someone told us to, we have feelings of independence, security, equality, belonging to the human race and peace of mind. In other words, we have used a difficult anger problem as an opportunity to replace our self-doubt from the past with self-respect in the present.
• The more we succeed, the stronger we become in our new identity as a worthwhile human being.
•The more we respect ourselves, the more likely we are to earn the respect of our co-workers.
• The more we respect each other on a healthy basis, the less stress there will be, internal or external.
In this atmosphere of mutual respect, we will be more likely to cooperate with each other in getting the job done. We will be more productive, and we will enjoy it more.
http://angerclinic.com/
http://sites.google.com/site/aaronkarmin/home
Aaron Karmin MA, LCPC. Through Roosevelt University he holds an advanced certification in stress management which involves teaching six mind-body techniques which enhances relaxation. Aaron has worked at all levels of mental health care from inpatient to outpatient, private to community, not for profit to Fortune 500 executives. He is a highly effective guest lecturer, group therapy leader, and individual therapist who is able to discuss a variety of topics including: Anger Management, Leadership, Relaxation Techniques, Communication Skills, and Goal Setting Strategies. Aaron recognizes the need for flexibility and creativity to address the mind and body and uses solution-based instructions to promote a healthy lifestyle. His approach to anger management focuses on increasing frustration tolerance and impulse control by understanding triggers, identifying physical cues, recognizing thoughts, considering consequences, implementing solutions, choosing behaviors, and promoting expression. When individuals feel in control of their situations and their lives, their depression and anxiety are replaced with feelings of security, confidence, competence, identity, responsibility, belonging, and self-respect, which is the prerequisite for success at home and at work.
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