How to Deal With People Who Put You Down

It can be an incredibly painful experience learning how to deal with people who put you down. If you are not careful, this can leave you with permanent psychological scars. However, in life you are almost guaranteed to meet with one such person, so it is important to understand that you can deal with this situation positively and also protect your self-esteem.

Look at the other side

It may help you to see the situation from the other side for a moment, even if you don't to because you have been hurt by the put down. But usually, people who put others down have a low self esteem for whatever reason.

They may be trying to hurt you before you hurt them or in an attempt to gain some power they feel they lack. If you listen to the put-downs, they often make no sense. Draw your strength from that. These are hurt, emotional reactions, not carefully considered critiques.

That should help you to detach and realize that the put down is not personal.

Never sink to the same level

Your first reaction may be to shoot back some equally venomous comment but you won't feel good about that for very long and you will have made yourself look small in the eyes of other people. That is playing in to the hands of the person that put you down.

Respond positively

The person putting you down is expecting a caustic comment or a retreat,. Instead, diffuse the situation by giving them a positive comment. Tell them 'thank you for your opinion' or 'that's so kind of you but I can't accept that'.

Such comments should cause people to think more carefully about how they speak. Let them know that you are not going to internalize the bad feeling they threw at you.

Take a look at yourself

Is there some grain of truth in their put down of you. If so, try to take it and learn from it by changing the behaviour that caused them to put you down. However, don't be upset by it. Everyone makes mistakes and now you can work on being a better person.

Alternatively, are you so upset by a comment which may not be an intentional put down because it reminds you of an earlier, painful time? Perhaps you always felt put down by a parent when you were growing up and now you are repeating that relationship, acting subserviently to the person putting you down now.

In this case, you need to recognize your adult status and the power that it brings with it. That should give you confidence to overcome the people that put you down.

If you are happy with yourself and your behaviour, you don't need the approval of anyone else. And you certainly don't need the approval of a negative person who will drag you down.

Remember this also when the approval you get seems to be less that wholehearted. Don't go fishing for compliments and instead draw strength from your own self-confidence.

If you are continually finding yourself in relationships where you are put down, you need to do some work on your self esteem. Make yourself believe that you are worth nothing better and you will get nothing better.

State your boundaries

Set out a set of boundaries for yourself and the way you wish to be treated. Have the self belief that you are worthy of respect and act that way. People will then be more likely to treat you with respect.

Express your feelings calmly

You should let the other person know how they made you feel. Don't get upset. Just state your opinion calmly, as a matter of fact, such as "It upsets me when you don't listen to what I have to say."

No-one has the right to put you down but that doesn't mean you can't learn from the comments. Take the positives, reaffirm the person you are, and respond openly and calmly to the put downs. They should soon cease.