Death seems to be the only thing that is certain in life. At least that is what many people say. The moment you are born you are closer to death. What a sad and dark theory that is. But is it a motto to live by?
Life is precious because it can easily be taken away. Why is it that so may people take their own lives in one way or another. A drug overdose, not being able to deal with the pressures at school. There can be millions of reasons why you might think that suicide is the answer. But for all those million reasons, I can think of a million more why its the bad choice.
There are people in this world hoping and praying for a year, six months, a month longer to live. People who have suffered years with a disease hoping that there will be a cure, a donor, a second chance at life. Suicide is the most selfish way to die. Just think of the sick children, teens and adults in this world that wish they could have a healthy life like yours I'm sure that they would not risk their lives for a chance to live.
On top of this, think of your family that you are leaving behind. I recently lost an aunt who was very ill. I loved her very much and when she was alive I knew that she would not be around much longer. She started to become weak and fragile. Everyday activities that we take for granted were a struggle, a challenge, an endless task that was unbearable. Still she was as strong as she could have been, but sadly, very sadly, she was not that strong. My aunt did not kill herself, the family knew it was only a matter of time. But how we wish there was more time. More time to say I love you and show how much we care. Why is it that we think of all the good things we could have said to a person when they are already gone.
It was March 28, 2007 when my aunt was taken away from me, her children, her parents, her sister, and her friends. It was three years ago that my heart was shattered in pieces that blew too far for me to catch. As I got the news that my aunt was in a coma and would have to be taken off life support I felt my heart drop. I couldn't say I love you. Couldn't say I cared. Couldn't give that wonderful person a hug or a kiss. Couldn't thank her for all she had done for me. Couldn't hold her hand. Couldn't do anything but feel my heart drop to the floor. Crash went the pieces that flew far away. Crash went my heart and from that day on it was never whole again.
When my aunt first past away I told myself I would think of her everyday to help her memory live on. How ashamed I am that I couldn't keep my promise. Days go by sometimes without a thought of her. How selfish am I to let days go by? But then I wake up or dream of her face. I dream that she's okay. I think of the healthy person I remember. After this I can smile, but I still feel something missing. There is something missing everyday that she is not with us.
When my heart crashed to the floor I sllllloooooowwwwllllllyyyyyy picked up the pieces only to find that some were missing. My aunt took some pieces with her that day and I can only hope I have some pieces of her somewhere in this broken heart that I struggled to put together. I know I put my heart back together wrong. I know this because when I think of my loss I feel the pain a bit lower then I should. My heart should be higher somewhere in my chest, instead it is sunken forever sunken in sorrow. Sorrow for an amazing lady who I loved for many years of my life. A lady who I will never be able to hold or tell I love. A lady who by a blessing became my aunt and godmother and was able to teach me how to love and love hard.
Love hard because you never know when the day will come when you cannot love anymore.
If you are having thoughts of suicide please search for other options. There are many websites and phone numbers to look into where people are waiting to help. Please do not risk your life because you think its too hard. Think of all the good you have to offer this world. Just your presence in this world makes at least one person happy. Think of all the people you will leave behind. They still feel pain. They will be forced to think of you as a memory. Don't be a memory, be a presence right now!
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