Self Mastery

Connection: We are always connected spiritually through the Universal web; a state of complete presence.

Enmeshment: Entangled, invalid, wanting, not present.

Personal Story:

Three women sit together, gathered in a small room drumming and rattling. In here we call in the power of the elements and directions, preparing for 20 minutes of guided inner travel. We meet this way twice a month.

A whistle blows, the drumming begins. Soon the constant driving and pounding of the beat takes us into a theta brainwave state. So penetrating, at some point our bones vibrate, our hearts become the instrument and we drift into the non-ordinary reality of lucid dreams.

Afterward we share our experiences, our feelings, the symbolism, how it relates to us and our interpretation of what we "got" from this intentional, sacred journey.

I remain ever amazed at how deeply we connect with other worlds in this way. Although we always know about them, these are places with which we have little connection while pre-occupied in daily living.

Ever the enthusiast no matter what the outcome, I share first today. When I finish speaking, I just sit, soaking in the information for a moment; I'm in a warm bath filled with scents of familiar and pleasurable, yet long lost memories or knowledge, maybe both.

All too fast I come out of this light trance, feeling a little protective.

"This is my message, from my journey!" I say this quite sternly. Inside me, somewhere, I metaphorically try to untangle myself from the macramé web that just flopped over my head. "This must be how fish feel," I think to myself, picturing schools of them trapped by huge nets dragged on the ocean floor by boats floating only on surface waters.

Remembering where I am, I close my eyes and breathe, pulling back inside. My tools of differentiation are always nearby. I bring my awareness into my body, my attention jumping deep into the center of my head; I lift my vision up to the inner ceiling, envisioning a soft, electric blue light.

Ahhh. I am safe again, feeling only myself. The pressure to give away the jewels dissipates almost immediately. What just happened?

I look around at the other two women. One of my friends says she wants to "know" more, asking me to explain. What she really wants to know is how my journey pertains to her, even though she doesn't quite get that in this moment.

As the sharing continues, my other friend wants some kind of feedback from us and we both eagerly respond, believing all we really want is to help her. I tell her a story, give her a wise quote, deluding myself into believing I have actually helped her in some way. The "wants to know girl" nods her head in approval; "needs feedback girl" cries a bit from the so-called connection of it all.

All three of us are strangely satisfied. Me, well I've managed to hold onto my friends another day in spite of pushing energy; "wants to know" hides a bit, searching for a positive reflection; "wants feedback" tries to accept her instability, yet secretly hopes we love her so she won't have to work that hard. This is how we move into the next journey, all enmeshed in some weird game we think is centered around connection.


What is this game?

As humans in this framework, most of us are constantly distracted by one of two things: either we unconsciously throw the fish nets or we desperately try to extricate ourselves from them. The way I see it, we exist on both sides of the fisherman's tale simultaneously.

The way it often works begins with a basic human need to "feel" connected. Even though many of us know there is absolutely no way that we can be disconnected, we still search for proof of connection. And although many of us have moved beyond the daily tug of the media on our lonely psyche's, we still participate in this game somehow.

Don't be arrogant enough to exclude yourself from its powerful undercurrents and the memories you have of all the things that media once reflected to you about yourself.

Right now I'll suggest that you too are in need of connection and you often go about it in a very complex-ridden, programmed manner. Please keep in mind, this is not a criticism, yet an alarm designed to awaken you, albeit abruptly.

We are driven by needs not only to connect, and everything else that underlies our motivation underneath it: the need to be recognized, validated and known as someone who participated, contributing something to someone during our lives.

One simple example of this is someone who is so desperate for attention, they find ways to get it through jokes, high intelligence, over-achievement, or the way they look; always seeking out people who might "like" them.

Once found, these "likers" are held captive, under water and the guise of friendship. Interesting, those who become trapped in the nets need attention too. They are willing to live down there, "liking" away, just to be "liked" back. They dive overboard readily, giving way too much information, assistance, attention, and generally giving away personal energy stores to placate another's needs.

All this, just to feel connected!

Becoming one of those famous double binds, this is an entangled net-mess in which two or more come together forever. Years down the road they don't know the difference between themselves, carrying thoughts, emotions and even physical ailments that meet and match one another. Everyone is in co-dependent pain, together.

Soon the net becomes so frayed and enmeshed, to pull on one thread results in a huge hole, even total destruction. It takes so much concentration to undo it gently and intentionally, not many people are willing to engage in the nuances this unraveling entails nor what may ensue as a result of this systematic destruction.

They would rather remain enmeshed.

At some point here, the "they" turns into a "we," and whether or not we interact with this dynamic in our daily lives, much like the inner journeyer, we absolutely know it exits inside each one of us at some level.

In what way do you suffer from feelings of disconnection, becoming unconsciously enmeshed in something or someone? At what point or under what circumstances do you choose to entangle yourself because you have forgotten who you are, that you are always connected and of value to the balance of all things?

If you say "never, nothing, nada," check again. You might just be fooling yourself.

Awareness Exercise
Take a moment to relax, sit down, breathe deeply with your eyes closed. Bring your attention deep into the Center of your Head, your awareness falls back behind your eyes, almost to the back of your brain. Inhale and feel the breath clearing out your thoughts as it moves through your nasal passages into your head; exhale and release down your spine.

What color do you see inside your head?

Observe your attention inside of you while you look out beyond your body to the subtle energy field around you. Intentionally call back your energy from wherever you may have left it. Just observe.

Allow it to settle into your body; it also surrounds you, top to bottom, front to back. Now the outer edge of your energy field sits about 18 inches from your body; its inner edge gently caresses your skin.

How do you feel?

Try this in public, try it when you are with a friend. Try this when you are with family members. Be aware of the difference between you and the next person. Do it for a week and notice what happens in your relationship to yourself and with others.