The Emergency Emotion

Anger Management is something we all need. Do you realize that anger is a necessary human emergency emotion? Some people think anger is destructive because sometimes it can erupt into destructive actions. We have to understand that it is not the anger that is destructive it is the action that has been taken as a result of feeling angry.

The way we deal with our anger is where we have a choice. Let's suppose someone spits at you. A disgusting thing to do. How do you respond? You can cry. You can say to yourself that you deserve to be spit upon. You can think of yourself as unlovable why else would someone spit at you. You are feeling hurt and you are hardly aware of how angry you feel.

Yet we do have choices in such situations. This is where you want to tap into your coping skills. You can spit back. You can run away. You can use words and say how angry you are. You can ask why the person decided to spit on you.

One of the main reasons for strengthening a personal foundation is to feel your internal power. The stronger your foundation the easier it becomes not to personalize and to make use of effective coping skills.

I said earlier that anger is a necessary human emergency emotion. It guides us when people wrong us when we are in dangerous situations. It alerts us to to injustice and when someone has betrayed us. Anger has a useful purpose. It is how we deal with our angry feelings that can get us into trouble.

Some people grew up with rules that said anger is bad and dangerous. They do not learn effective ways to deal with this normal emotion. Instead they learn to bottle it up and they tighten up inside. They may look calm on the outside but their body starts responding with physical symptoms. Yet outwardly they may not even be aware how effectively they have swallowed their angry feelings. Some others hold it in until they can no longer and then the anger may erupt suddenly when the situation may not warrant such an extreme response.

If you believe that anger is a useful emergency emotion then you will permit yourself to feel it and learn to handle your anger in a way that does not hurt you or anyone else.

Is Your Anger Poisoning Your Relationships?

Anger is often a symptom and an outward manifestation of a deeper emotion like anxiety. This kind of thing can lead to aggressive behavior and can take a real toll on relationships. When you let emotions take over you are no longer in control of yourself and will often say or do things that you will later regret.

Modern life demands a lot from us. Jobs and bills and children can take up all of our time and worry and emotions.

Therapists have found that is the midst of all this, couples with open discussions about their worries and stresses feel better about themselves and each other.

On the flip side of that, relationships where one or both partners are feeling stressed and anxious but the lines of communication are not open, the relationship suffers. Often what results is either straight out aggression or passive aggression, neither of which is healthy.

These negative emotions need to be out in the open and dealt with or the relationship will never be healthy and may not survive.

Here are some tips to help you keep the stress levels down:


Stress is caused by negative emotions. Don't let these emotions take control. Talk to your partner about it if you can. Often just talking it out can be a great way to reduce the stress.
Distract yourself. Put on some music you love or a funny show. Let positive emotions take the place of the negative ones.
Anxiety is as much a habit as it is an illness. Develop a better habit - the habit of being happy. Do things that make you happy as often as you can. Listen to music that makes you happy. Think about things that have happened that are good. Count your blessings.
Keep yourself busy so the negative thoughts can't take over. Start a hobby or pull one out of the closet/basement/garage that you used to spend time on. Take a class in something you want to learn and spend time working on it or practicing it. Learning a new skill is not only a good way to keep your thoughts occupied, it's also a great way to develop a sense of accomplishment.
earn relaxation techniques or, better yet, meditation. Put on some relaxing music to help you out. Studies have shown that just 20 minutes a day of meditation can start having a beneficial effect in just a few days. You are calmer and happier and more clearheaded at all points in the day when you perform the exercise just once a day.

Sometimes keeping a relationship healthy takes work. Sometimes it's about keeping yourself happy and healthy.