Anger Management

Did you realize that anger usually happens in relation to someone else? Most of us know what it feels like when our feelings are hurt. When this happens when we may lash back angrily at the person who just emotionally wounded us. We get defensive and want to hurt back. That is easier to do than to acknowledge our own hurt and figure out how best to handle our anger.

What if someone has betrayed us? The feeling of having been betrayed hit us to the core and we may feel overwhelming anger at the person who betrayed us. Or we may get angry at our children because they are not cooperating. There are times when we are under a lot of stress making us irritated and angry. In those situations we have a choice" we can "lose it" or handle the situation in a way that we feel good about how we handled ourselves.

There are helpful tools available for anyone who want to learn to manage their anger. For instance if a husband and wife revert to anger when they are trying to deal with conflict that is what their children will learn. If instead the parents learn new communication skills and effective ways to deal with anger that is what they will model to their children. I am a big advocate for parents learning to handle their feelings in a responsible way. There are many books and classes available for learning healthy skills for managing anger while dealing with conflict.

Some people use anger to get their way. With their anger they end up intimidating others and cut off communication. The scariest anger is pent up rage. That can be for a variety of reasons: having been mistreated, bullied and/or abused. It can also be brought on by drug or alcohol or prescription drug abuse. People with pent-up or sporadic rage may need a professional assessment.

Most people who struggle with how to manage their anger do so because they did not learn effective skills. For instance one way to take responsibility for managing angry feelings is to say that one needs time out in order to cool off. It will then be important to return and resolve the issue at hand.